


Half Crazy Crumpets

by AvaCelt



Series: EXO Hipster!AU [5]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-20 11:07:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaCelt/pseuds/AvaCelt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Joon Myun knew he was half a box full of crazy, but he was OK with it. He also knew that Kim Jong Dae was straight, and he was OK with that too. But that little tidbit wasn’t much of a factor in his quest to win his heart anyway, because, hey, Kim Joon Myun was crazy. And crazy people tended to do crazy things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lovely graphic to accompany, by [Monoire](http://theoryofthevanquished.tumblr.com/post/56450919986/exo-hipster-au-half-crazy-crumpets-oh-my-heart).

“Why is Min Seok crying?” Wu Fan didn’t need to look over shoulders unlike the others. He just opted on staring at the man currently bawling into his arms.

“Maybe he’s finally come to realize da menz is where it’s at,” Luhan perked up, clapping his hands together in victory.

“You loser, he’d be dead then.” Luhan and Joon Myun rose their respective eyebrows. Wu Fan stared intently at the figure wiping snot off his face with the sleeve of his shirt. “I mean, if he had switched sexualities, he’d be in the hospital right now. Mi Lee would have beaten him in front of her kids.”

Luhan gasped. “She wouldn’t.”

Wu Fan nodded his head. “She would. She definitely would.”

“Tao-Tao’s rubbing off on her.” Luhan poured himself another glass of water as he watched Min Seok blather pathetically into his arms.

 “He definitely is,” the tallest of the three agreed.

“Shouldn’t we ask him?” Joon Myun asked, scratching his head. “He looks sad.”

“Captain Obvious is right,” Luhan declared. “Plus, folks shouldn’t be crying in my cafe. They should be purchasing my overpriced drinks and staring at my fabulously shaped bum.”

“The things Yixing-shi would do to you if he heard that,” Joon Myun tsk’ed.

“Leaving you would be the first thing,” Wu Fan whistled, and ducked out of the way in time from a random fist that came barreling for his head.

Once the three men had reached their fourth friend, he was well on his way to drowning in his own salty tears. It became so disconcerting to watch that Joon Myun couldn’t help but rub Min Seok’s back and tell him that he still had faith in him regardless of whatever sexual identity crisis he was currently going through.

“It’s alright, man,” Luhan assured. “It’s OK to be gay. Perfectly fine. In fact, it’s a pretty awes-”

“-what he means to say,” Wu Fan growled, punching the doe-eyed cafe owner roughly in the arm, “is that we’re here for you. I’ll talk to Mi Lee. She’ll forgive you and might actually leave you at least a quarter of your assets before running off with the other three. I’m just sayi-”

“-this is why none of you will ever have nice things. Ever.”

All the men except that wailing lawyer snapped their heads towards the new voice.

“Mi Lee-shi!” Joon Myun gasped.

“You’re not here to kill him, are you?” Luhan asked. “Because I can’t allow that. I love ya, gull, but you can’t have our Baozi.”

Wu Fan gave her a pout. “We’re good friends, Mi Lee. For the sake of our bro-ship, let him go.”

At that point, the woman shook her head in disgust and faintly glimpsed at the man who seemed to be drawn only to his tears and nothing else. But then the discontent faded and turned into melancholy, so she sat down in the empty chair in front of the lawyer and caressed his hair as he sobbed into the crook of his arms. Soon, tears began to pool into her eyes.

“… OK. This is not what I was expecting from an aftermath regarding sexual awakening.”

“Talk to me, Min,” she soothed, but the lawyer didn’t seem to hear her.

Wu Fan was at a loss for words. “Seriously,” he griped. “It can’t be that bad finding out that you’re ga-”

“He’s not gay, Wu Fan,” she interrupted.

Luhan narrowed his eyes while Wu Fan promptly shut his mouth while attempting to flee the scene, only to be held back by a tutting Joon Myun.

“Well shit,” the hipster-frames wearing man drawled. “Then why is he dehydrating himself?”

“Did something happen at work?” Joon Myun asked. “Mr. Huang didn’t look so angry this morning.”

“He was passionate this morning,” Wu Fan deadpanned. Luhan threw him a nasty look. 

Min Seok’s wails became quieter, but he seemed to bury his head deeper into his arms, refusing to pick himself up.

“Min,” Mi Lee enunciated firmly. “You need to talk to me. You can’t keep cr-”

“What the actual fuck happened?” Luhan demanded, and the other two furiously nodded to his question.

“It’s…” Mi Lee bit her lip, but kept her fingers buried in Min Seok’s hair, massaging his scalp while attempting to coax him into rising his head.

“It can’t be this bad,” Wu Fan griped. “Seriously, what the hell can possibly break him this bad?”

“Jong Dae’s leaving.”

All but Min Seok stiffened.

“… what?” Luhan blinked.  _“What?”_

“His father called last night. Told Jong Dae that he missed him. Jong Dae booked a ticket online while telling Min about it on the phone. He’s been crying since last night.”

Wu Fan rubbed his temples. “… you can’t be serious.”

Mi Lee gave him a blank look, her hands still caressing Min Seok’s hair. “It’s been over a month.” She sighed and let her eyes drift to her husband. “I mean… we knew he’d be leaving, but this abruptly? I certainly don’t like it, but circumstances like these can’t be avoided.”

“Well, then tell him to stay,” Luhan demanded.

“You can’t just tell a guy to stay in a foreign country when his dad’s asking him how he’s doing,” Wu Fan sighed. “I guess it was bound to happen.” He looked at the people who surrounded him. “Let it be known that I never truly hated the guy; he just rubbed me the wrong way. But I guess he ended up being a good brother regardless of my feelings.”

“He has broken Baozi,” Luhan said. “I won’t forgive him.” He shook his head vehemently. “My foot will meet his crotch in due time.”

Mi Lee smiled warily. “He’s a good guy,” she agreed. “But I guess we’ll see him over the vacation in a few months. And there’s always Skype, and the phone, and so many other things to go by until then.”

“He and Yixing are civil now,” Luhan added. “It’s… nice to see.”

“And he really is a good person,” Wu Fan finished. “I hope he finds a nice gi-”

The loud thud next to Wu Fan even startled Min Seok out of his reverie, causing him to frantically dart his head about. The other three croaked while Mi Lee’s hands flew out of Min Seok’s hair and slapped down on the table as she rose to look at their fallen comrade. Luhan started praying.

“Oh my god,” Wu Fan gasped. “Shit, I didn’t think, oh my  _god_.”

Kim Joon Myun had passed out cold.

*******

_Amidst the howling and jeering, a man with ruffled, light brown locks and a sleepy smile approached the lone man sitting at the end of the counter._

“ _Hello.” He spoke softly as he usually did, with just the tiniest lull to add to the silent melody. He smiled._

_Astonished eyes turned his way, and something began to beat rapidly within the man who’d listened to his employer and approached the man in the leather jacket and block colored jeans and shirt._

“ _Hi,” he replied amiably with a kind smile._

“ _Can I have your number?” The awestruck man blurted, unable to cap his mouth in time._

_The stranger stared at him for a few seconds with a confused look before breaking out into another smile. He breathed heavily and took a light sip of his water before turning towards the man who stood stiffly next to him._

“ _I’m afraid I can’t,” he replied carefully._

_The man with the perpetual smile cocked his head to the side in genuine confusion. “Why not?”_

“ _I don’t see what you’d be able to get out of it,” the man at the counter said honestly._

“ _A date,” the flighty man replied truthfully._

_And the man who sat alone for so long smiled sadly. “I guessed. But I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.”_

“ _Huh?” Now the man with the perpetual smile was utterly confused. Why wouldn’t the handsome stranger with the pretty lips and the warm grin want to date him? He couldn’t be that ugly, could he?_

“ _It’s not what you think,” the stranger said, as if picking up on his thoughts. “I just don’t… you wouldn’t want to date me.” He finished lamely. But I would, the man with the everlasting smile pondered sadly. Sensing his confusion once more, the stranger pursed his lips and looked at his glass of water before turning back to the man with the weariest smile. “I’m straight. You wouldn’t want to date me because I wouldn’t be able to appreciate you.” He laughed hesitantly. “Guess that makes me a douche for saying that out loud? I’m sorry if I’ve off-”_

“ _No,” the man replied. “I’m not mad. Thank you for being honest.”_

_The stranger nodded hesitantly. “Thanks.”_

_And he turned away and back to his group, the beating within his chest picking up speed while something else broke. He didn’t turn back to look at the stranger’s expression towards his abrupt leave._

_He’s straight, he thought. But I tried, he thought._

_That should have been the end. That could have been the end had the man with the perpetual smile accepted fate like he always did._

_But for the first time in his life- he didn’t._

***

Kim Joon Myun had learned to take things with a cautious gaze and a lingering smile ever since the night his father clasped a hand over his mouth and told him to stay in the cupboard until he was told to come out. He had learned to take things as they came and make the best of them no matter how detrimental they were to his well-being. As long as his smile remained and the walls guarding his fragility prospered, he was in his safezone.

Kim Joon Myun liked his safezone. It had taken a better part of twenty years for him to build and maintain them. They were his shield and sword. As long as the grin and the flightiness remained, nothing could touch him. Fate would always win, but he wouldn’t let it trample him like it did before. He was wary now, conscious of his predicament. As long as he was aware of the circumstances, the ending would be inevitable, but at least then he’d be ready. He’d always be ready. Always.

He’d failed in preparing the first time. His first failure had led to dire consequences, so Kim Joon Myun found it imperative that he always be prepared. For anything. A fire extinguisher in his quaint apartment, a savings account he never even dreamed about withdrawing from, best friends who more often than not liked to dote on him. These things were important. These things needed to be present in Joon Myun’s life in order for him to be well equipped against the horrors that lied ahead. And like before, he wouldn’t fall short this time. No matter how hard life tried, it wouldn’t trample over him like it did before.

If a small blaze puckered up, he’s blow it out with an extinguisher. If he lost his job, he’d delve into his savings until he found another and filled it to its brim again. If he felt sad, he’s tell Kyu Hyun he was a little under the weather, and they’d go for ice cream while the prince of Cho Industries babbled about his latest high score while Joon Myun felt the weariness in his bones fade away. Or he’d join Wu Fan in one of his rants regarding a particular drama, and he’d watch him rage until he tired himself out and they finished the night by falling asleep on the couch, feet in each other’s faces with limbs strewn carelessly about. The little things always mattered in the end. Kim Joon Myun would always be prepared.

He hadn’t been when the home invaders held his father down and beat him to his death while he peered out from the slit in the cupboard. He hadn’t been when he decided his nine year old fists were sufficient enough to take down the bad man that was making his mommy cry and his father garble nonsense and spit blood through his nose and mouth. He hadn’t been when he decided that his father’s words were useless because he was his own man now and old enough to make his own decisions. As a nine year old, he thought he had the right to barge out of the cupboard and go flailing towards the men who tore the ring from his mother’s finger and knocked her out cold against the counter. He thought he had the right to kick and scream and preserve whatever was left of the bloodied kitchen floor and his parents, he’d thought, expression angry and thought process out of his mind. He’d thought.

He’d thought wrong.

Of course, life taught him his lessons almost immediately. A few broken ribs, a bruised face, and a bullet hole in his torso were enough to staunchly encourage him to take heed of his words, his thoughts, his actions. The six years he spent in a government care facility before Kyu Hyun’s parents took him in were enough to enforce those lessons. The physical therapy, the countless warnings that things weren’t his fault (even though he knew fully well they were), the reassuring words that said that things would get better- Kim Joon Myun knew the last would be true if he disciplined himself. And so he did.

He wasn’t crazy, by any means. Only halfway, by the time they let him out, he’d admit. He’d still admit it, because he knew he was still wonky in the head. He always would be. The remnants of his psychosis didn’t just teach him a thing or two about the way things worked in the world- they reminded him of his weaknesses and his refusal to take heed of fate’s signs and ultimate answers. Like how he  _wasn’t_  the center of the universe, and how he  _wasn’t_ the hero in the story, and how he  _was_  the reason why his father and mother had died crying.

He wasn’t crazy, by any means, just half crazy. There was a difference, he’d argue, between the half crazies and the full maniacs. Kim Joon Myun had learned to moderate himself because of it. Life had said so, he’d also argue, and he wouldn’t let it destroy him like it did before. He wouldn’t leave with a gaping wound, numb legs, and swollen eyes this time around. And so he’d paid attention to the signs and ran when he had to, refused when he was supposed to, accepted when he was meant to. Because that was life, and it would always win, but Kim Joon Myun wouldn’t let it run him down and leave him to die like it did before.

Not this time around. After all, not too many nine year old were given second chances when at death’s wonderfully bleak doorstep. Kim Joon Myun guessed most would probably pass away just weeping from the physical pain itself, but he prided himself in being one of the few who’d taken the other way out. He’d kept quiet and learned to smile that fake smile- that perpetual fake smile that kept unwanted beings at bay and his mind sharp. He’d learned the hard way, but he learned. He learned, so he continued to smile.

So many lessons, and just twenty years to account for their understanding and application. Kim Joon Myun was rather proud of himself. People, he noticed with his everlasting smile, didn’t learn from their mistakes because they were just too  _not_ insane. They were paranoid, not cautious. They were judgmental, not calculative. They counted by the number of eggs, not by the number of hen able to produce viable offspring. They saw what they saw and thought ahead and went ahead and did their business while he saw, calculated, stepped back, and let the parade march by before slipping into the final ranks.

Because the people he’d encountered didn’t accept like they were meant to, so they were trampled and crushed and some killed themselves while others drowned in misery. Kim Joon Myun merely accepted because he’d seen it coming, like they all had. Shame that, unlike him, they refused to take it as it came.

And that’s how Kim Joon Myun wanted to remain. The mirror in the morning reminded him of why. He always made a note to fleet his fingers over the scar that looked like someone had extinguished a cigar on his lower chest. Kim Joon Myun wanted to remain as he was because everyday he’d see Kyu Hyun once and his face would remind him of all the other people in the world who pitied him because of his flightiness and half-insanity. And then so many other things. So, so many other things.

But in short, that was Kim Joon Myun’s way of life. One needed to have certain things on hold for when things became heavy. When situations went awry, there had to be back up. Money, friends, a job. Had Kim Joon Myun known these things at his nine year old stage, he could have listened and learned silently instead of suffering the wounds and mental damage to go with it. And had he listened, he may have just gone off with three years of mental care and been shipped off to his parents’ close friends’ house even earlier, and Kyu Hyun would end up doting on him even more.

But instead, he hadn’t, so he paid the price. But that was OK, because it was better late than never. And Kim Joon Myun had learned in the end that life would always win and that the individual could not. He learned that you had to listen and understand the signs and prepare so when fate came around to reap the riches, you could just float on by without being noticed. Kim Joon Myun had learned, and so he accepted. He’d accepted, and for twenty years, that was enough.

That was enough, but it wasn’t anymore. Because when the man had told him that he’d never be able to appreciate him like the way Joon Myun wanted him to, Joon Myun should have understood like he always did. He should have accepted.

He could have accepted, had the man not sparked the flame that sent his heart beating again. He could have, had the man not sent him into a frenzy and reminded him that he wasn’t half-mad like people thought he was, because he wasn’t.

Kim Joon Myun was insane. Completely, utterly, insane.

*******

“I know you’re awake. As interesting as your back is, I think I’ve had enough for one night. Mind turning around now?”

Joon Myun blinked, his eyes fixed on the open window that let a gentle breeze trickle into his room. It was warm outside and the fan was only on low speed, but it felt cold. Joon Myun felt cold.

“You know I hate being ignored,” Wu Fan grumbled behind him. “If you were Tao, I’d punch you, but since you’re Joon Myun, I’ll just settle for this.”

Joon Myun felt a heavy hand clasp his shoulder and forcibly turn his body towards the older man. He noticed that the grimace on Wu Fan’s face was gone, and was instead replaced with a hesitant smile. Joon Myun blinked.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Of course, Joon Myun wanted to say. Of course I want to talk about it, he wanted to shout. I love a straight man, he wanted to cry. I love a man that won’t love me back, he wanted to screech.

“No,” Joon Myun answered blankly. “I’m fine, just tired. I’d like to sleep.”

Wu Fan gave him a skeptical look, but nodded. “Yeah, you need sleep. Lots of sleep. I had Kyu Hyun give you a lookover before he went back to work. He’ll be back tomorrow morning though. Expect burnt eggs and a small housefire.” He laughed at his own joke while the smile that was the bane of Joon Myun’s existence crept back into his features.

“Of course,” he said lightly. “Thank you for your help. I’ll be sleeping now.” Before he could see Wu Fan’s expression change, he turned away quickly and curled up against the sheets.

Joon Myun heard heavy footsteps shuffle about and the squeak of a chair being pulled away before the lights went off. He sighed. It was a long sigh. Joon Myun didn’t know when he’d last sighed this heavily.

He didn’t expect the arm that curled around his waist after a few minutes of silent contemplation. Joon Myun blinked.

“Didn’t say I was leaving,” Wu Fan murmured and let out a yawn afterwards. “Tao was a bitch, but Luhan put a cap on him.” Joon Myun felt something inside him break. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” he murmured. “Now, sleep.”

And he dozed off against Joon Myun’s back. Joon Myun’s eyes stayed fixed on the open window that let the gentle breeze moved his curtains softly.

He didn’t sleep.

*******

He knew he was wrong the second he decided he couldn’t accept it.

Scratch that- he could definitely accept it, he just chose not to. He chose to take the high road after twenty years of playing it safe. There were no more signals or signs- there was blatancy involved. Joon Myun had known from the very beginning that the man was unattainable. He was unattainable because he was straight, because he had better things to worry about, because he was just about the most humane person Joon Myun had ever met.

He was brash, the way Joon Myun was not. He was kind, but his kindness wasn’t conveyed the way Joon Myun conveyed it. He was complete, now that he had his brother back, while Joon Myun was broken and would remain so for the rest of his life.

But he couldn’t accept it. Fate had told him to let it go, and he should have because that was the logical answer. He should have. He could have.

But he didn’t.

He’d hurt Zhang Yixing and made Kim Min Seok cry. He’d angered Wu Fan and almost cost Luhan his business. He had unintentionally, almost ruined lives when he prompted Luhan to push the dimple-cheeked man away, and almost made it worse when he’d demanded they let Yixing think it over. He was a terrible person. A terrible, uncouth human being. He was Min Seok’s opposite. He could never be their friend. He didn’t deserve it. He almost ruined their hard-earned lives, so that automatically made him the devil in their eyes.

At least, Joon Myun thought it did. But then he soon came to realize that it didn’t.

Joon Myun didn’t know when he’d actually fallen in love. Was it when the man had offered to drive him home one evening after a rather long night at the cafe? It had been a tiresome debate regarding whether or not Kim Min Seok was returning to his coffee hovel. Wu Fan had threatened to knock teeth out and break limbs, and would have had their boss not made a surprise appearance and dragged the hulking male out before he pounced on the younger Kim brother.

Or was it that time when they sat in silence and sipped their water as the latter received silent treatment from the cafe owner? The puffy cheeked lawyer had tried his best that day to convince him that his brother was not the devil incarnate and that everyone deserved a second chance. That had been a long day as well, and Joon Myun had spent the majority of the time marveling the well defined jaw, and the sharp eyes, and the sad frown that touched his lips every time his older brother plead for mercy against the relentless cafe owner who wouldn’t budge for the longest.

Or, perhaps it was the night when he caught the man silently crying outside after a verbal disagreement with the lawyer?

Joon Myun always had the most awkward timing, and that led him to the most fascinating of discoveries that made him understand the inevitable loss of humanity against its biggest enemy- fate. It wasn’t their fault, really. They just weren’t trained in life like Joon Myun was. He should have remembered that and gone home, because the younger Kim was just another victim caught in fate’s web. Joon Myun should have just pitied the man like people pitied him. That should have been the end of it.

Yet that night on the street, all Joon Myun saw was a person so broken that he thought he himself was complete for the slightest second. And this man could smile so well, Joon Myun noted. He could smile so well, and it was so broken a smile, and so sad that Joon Myun remembered that this smile was also his own smile. And whilst crying, he smiled, and while he cried, he cried his heart out without a peep, so those who walked by simply assumed he was crying because he’d stubbed a toe far too harshly. They didn’t think that something had just been crushed inside, but Joon Myun had disciplined himself in this for twenty years, so he knew. He knew as soon as he saw and that’s when it happened, he thought.

And that’s when Joon Myun realized that he wouldn’t accept it. He just wouldn’t. And when he went home that night and fell asleep, he dreamed of days where he would bring a real smile upon Kim Jong Dae’s sad lips. He dreamed of days where he’d kiss away the tears that he’d shed and bring droplets of joy to his eyes. He dreamed. He dreamed of things he hadn’t thought about twenty years, things that his defense mechanisms refused to let through his walls. He dreamed. He dreamed of love.

***

“So you’ve stopped. Finally. Thought we were about to lose you to a clinic with an IV attached to your arm.” Tao tapped his foot impatiently.

Min Seok huffed. “You have no idea. I didn’t think I’d cry this much after thinking I’d drained my reserves after Yixing disappeared.”

“You have, like, infinite reserves,” Luhan deadpanned.

“And you cry over everything,” Yixing puckered. Min Seok gave him a dirty look while the dimple-cheeked man went away sipping his drink.

“I’ll admit, I’ll miss him,” Luhan drawled. “He was a douche, but he was an interesting douche.”

“He punched me,” Yixing said, “but at least he apologized.”

“I still don’t fucking understand how Joon Myun of all people decided to fall for him. All Tao did was tell him to go get his phone number.” Luhan clucked his tongue. “Well, it’ll all be in the past, eventually. As soon as he goes away, I’m setting Operation KyuMyun in motion, whether or not Wu Fan approves.”

“You do everything without Wu Fan’s approval,” Mi Lee jibed. “Say, is he still with him right now?”

“Since last night,” Tao replied.

“It’ll blow away,” Luhan assured. “Puppy love. It happens. He’ll get ov-”

“He won’t,” Min Seok cut in.

No one noticed Tao’s sudden stiffening. Luhan rose an eyebrow in interest as Yixing continued to sip his drink.

“He could,” Mi Lee tried.

“He won’t,” Min Seok countered. “He’s fallen too deep. He should have stopped himself when he had the chance.”

“You can’t stop the heart,” Tao said, his tone deathly solemn. The others turned their eyes towards him, curiosity and astonishment lurking in their eyes. Something raw began to hang over his head, and the only two people familiar with it were Yixing and Min Seok. But Min Seok knew what lay behind the words while Yixing did not.

“Things are different,” Min Seok insisted. “This is true love. This is bad.”

“Why does it have to be bad? “ He replied calmly, sending Min Seok back a step. But Huang Zi Tao didn’t seem to notice. “And who said that the past wasn’t also true love? Should it be undermined just because the initial stages were shortlived?”

“It doesn’t have to be undermined,” Min Seok snapped. “This is different.”

“Only in the sense that Joon Myun tried.” Zi Tao smirked, but it was the kind of smirk they’d seen at trials when Zi Tao worked to crush those who threatened him. It invoked fear, and it did it’s job so well that Luhan had gone strangely quiet along with the others.

“And look where it’s led him,” Min Seok pointed out. “Would you have preferred this instead of the original outcome?”

“Perhaps,” Tao said. “Perhaps I would have. At least then I would have been honest with myself.”

Mi Lee grabbed Min Seok’s arm before he could open his mouth.

Zi Tao smirked again. “I could have done what he did. And perhaps I’d have won. Perhaps things would be just a tad bit more ruthless had I tried and failed. Would you have liked me then?”

“ _What the fuck.”_ Luhan gagged.

Yixing cleared his throat. “I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know how it happened or what it even is.” He turned towards Mi Lee. “Do you want to know?” She shook her head. He nodded. “Then it’s settled. We find a way to rectify this Joon Myun problem before Jong Dae’s flight. Contrary to popular belief, I like him very much. He’s a quaint soul. There’s no need for him to cry over something that could never be obtained in the first place.”

“Yet you stole his brother and ran off when times got rough,” Zi Tao said casually, examining his perfectly manicured nails.

“Shut up, Tao,” Luhan growled. “You need to get laid. Get the fuck out and go get laid. Come back when you’re done being a dick.”

Tao ignored them both. “Anything can be achieved. If Joon Myun tried, he could win out in the end too. I could have.” He peered into Min Seok who glared silently from behind his wife. “I  _would_  have won,” he finished.

“You wouldn’t have,” Min Seok replied. “Because you aim too high, and would have fallen just as fast. You seek possession, not compromise.”

“I sought love,” he spat, eyes ablaze and suddenly, just like that, the snide commentary had transformed into raw hatred. “I sought love, and received nothing but contempt. I tried love again, and won the second time around because I  _endured.”_

“Everyone endures,” Min Seok said solemnly. “It’s a given if you want to live long. And Joon Myun has to endure if he wants to survive. But moreover, he has to let go. Like you did.”

Tao grit his teeth as the others breathed heavily. Mi Lee moved out of Min Seok’s path and pulled Yixing up and towards the exit. Luhan got the hint and drifted off towards the counter, leaving just Tao and Min Seok.

“No.”

Min Seok lost it. “What do you mean  _no?_  What do you plan to do? Slip Jong Dae pills that will magically turn him gay?”

He shook his head, a cruel smile playing on his lips. “I intend to help Joon Myun win, like I could have. He doesn’t have to suffer.”

Min Seok shook his head. “He doesn’t have to. We’re his friends. We can help him through this. We can get him he-”

“He doesn’t need help!” Tao snapped. “He needs love, and he loves your brother. So you either agree to help, or back off.”

“And let you hurt him even more?” Min Seok let out a dry laugh. “Joon Myun’s not one of of your toys Mr. Huang. You can’t fiddle with his emotions and expect to receive the proper response. He’s a human being.”

“Because to you, I’m nothing but a monster,” Zi Tao laughed. He laughed long and hard, earning queer looks from the customers around him. But Min Seok only glared. And Tao laughed. “I’m a monster,” he concluded. “Always have, always will be. In your eyes, of course. But I guess I can deal with it. Just know that I’ll have Joon Myun succeed. What he feels is true and utter love. Your brother doesn’t need to screw him to know that. He can listen and he can understand- something  _you_  were never capable of.”

Min Seok froze and Zi Tao smirked. “It’s sad,” he chuckled. “Perhaps he shouldn’t have gone looking for you,” he mused, stabbing it where it hurt. “Perhaps you were better off living in your fantasies than accepting the truth, because that’s what Jong Dae did, didn’t he? Accept that he was a horrible human being to you and attempt to fix it? And what did you do when Yixing broke? Cry it off until you had one of your epiphanies?”

Min Seok looked into blankness. Tao smirked, edging closer until his lips were near Min Seok’s ear.

“At least he ceased being a coward, your brother. And so did Joon Myun. So there’s a chance, because it’s true love and I was lucky enough to experience it twice in one lifetime whereas most people don’t even get the chance to see it once. And I’m not taking that chance with Joon Myun because he deserves better- he deserves Jong Dae. I deserved better than you, and so Wu Fan walked in. See the pattern?”

They brushed shoulders and Tao disappeared with the growing crowd and out the exit.

And Min Seok stared into blankness.

*******

Kim Joon Myun realized that he had fallen in love, and so he’d woken up the next day thinking Kim Jong Dae was beautiful.

It was bad, he’d known. Not bad that he thought Kim Jong Dae was exceptionally handsome, not at all, but the fact that he assumed that he deserved to have someone that wonderful by his side. That was his mistake, but it was a mistake he was aware of. He decided it couldn’t end that badly. He wouldn’t let it.

So he began planning.

His first course of action was to keep the battle plan all to himself. The second rule was to do everything as planned. There would be no slip ups. There would be no room for fate to stick its grubby nose into and ruin things. It wouldn’t win this time, he decided, going against every known principle he’d accepted the past twenty years. He wouldn’t let fate get the best of him, so he’d go about it as meticulously as possible.

It started off with the little things. Instead of slipping in random comments during crucial moments of conversation, he opted to stare at the man with the sharp jaws and sharper eyes. Instead of sipping his water and batting eyelashes kindly at whomever noticed, he kept his gaze on the man who observed all those around him. Little things, Joon Myun noted. He noticed all the little things about the man by taking part in the little things set in motion. By gazing he’d learned that Kim Jong Dae wasn’t as much of a coffee fan as he let on, but for the sake of his brother and his brother’s friends, he endured a hot cup whenever he came in. Otherwise, he was content with a cup of hot chocolate masquerading as a cup of tea.

Joon Myun noted that his eyes crinkled whenever he smiled, because it was the little things that mattered, so another little thing Joon Myun took part in was to make the man smile at his jokes. His terrible jokes, of course, but in the process, Joon Myun also learned that Kim Jong Dae didn’t judge unless he found absolute need to. So when Joon Myun said something that would usually earn open mouths and risen eyebrows, Kim Jong Dae merely smiled and told him that he hadn’t heard of that one before when he probably did.

Little things. Joon Myun liked that he started off with the little things.

Then he began to get adventurous. Of course he had been mentally jotting everything down, and knew he couldn’t go on to more dangerous territory till the obligatory month of childish flirting had passed, but Joon Myun caved on the second week. His meticulous planning took the highway to oblivion.

And so on the second week, he slipped on the marble floor that specifically stated, by use of a little cone and sign, that the floor was wet. But Joon Myun, being the utterly insane fellow that he was, purposefully made the trip.

Kim Jong Dae hadn’t caught him. He guessed he wouldn’t, and Joon Myun pouted as he rubbed his sore bum. As he clambered to get up, he saw a hand reach out. He looked up and blinked.

Kim Jong Dae smiled sweetly down on him, and without another word, he took his hand.

*******

“Where the hell did everyone go?”

Joon Myun peered from behind Wu Fan to find a cafe devoid of all his favorite people. He spied only the baristas behind the counter.

“Are you sure it’s coffee break?” He asked, rubbing his sore eyes.

Wu Fan nodded. “Yeah.” He waved one of the waiters over. “Where is everyone?”

“Mr. Kun said he had to go handle something, and the others left before him.” And with that, the waiter drifted back to his tables with the tray full of glasses.

“… how do they just leave without it being post-coffee break?” Wu Fan breathed, utterly baffled at the state of events.

Joon Myun scratched his head and sighed listlessly. “I’ll just go home then. You should too.”

Wu Fan shook his head. “Screw them,” he huffed. “We’ll fix this ourselves.”

Wu Fan grabbed his wrist and ushered him out of the cafe without another word.

*******

“Hey, hyung? I know it’s a bit too early for sappy messages, but I wanted to send this to you anyway. I… I lied. I’m not going home because dad called me. We were texting the other day and he told me not to come back until I had enough photos to fill up twenty albums. Judging by the amount of candid shots alone, I think we’ll be able to fill at least half of one. Dad will probably be disappointed, but I have ways to cheer him up. There’s always Skype, isn’t there? Yeah. Haha. I’m so funny.”

“Well, where was I? Oh, yeah. I lied. I’m sorry. I know, it was a pretty trashy move, but it was the best one I could come up with. I wish I was eloquent. I’m not. But that’s not really the point, and I need to stop going off on track before my stupid phone dies.”

“So, I lied. I’m not going home because of dad. I’m going home because… because I’m a douche. That seriously has to be the best answer that can describe the situation. When Yixing left, I was excited. Does that make me a bad person? I bet it does. But yeah- farting rainbows kind of happy. I had my big bro all to myself and I had bonding scenarios in my head that I’d been concocting for years, and I was ready to put them into action. When he left, I felt as if though I’d been relieved of a burden, and that he’d finally redeemed himself in my eyes. He did. I mean, I never really hated him to begin with, but I did hate that he’d replaced me. But since he left, I felt as if he’d paid me back for my suffering by taking the suffering upon his shoulders for himself. I was glad.”

“But then I saw that you were changed in a fortnight because of it, and I began to understand that I’d never be the brother you’d depend on. At first, I thought that it was perfectly logical, but then I realized how much I despised that notion and settled for you and your friends being in a perpetual state of clinginess. So I tried to get you to open up and accept me while he was gone, but it only made things worst, and once you realized that you were getting him back- I lost.”

“I don’t think I had a chance in the game to begin with, but I guess that’s what I get for losing all my cards at the very start. I’m a terrible player.”

“But, I just wanted to say that I was sorry. I don’t intend to break whatever it is we have right now, but I’ve realized that I can’t take Yixing’s place either. And you have such supportive friends- all I have is dad.”

“So I’m going back to him. I called him and told him that you’d visit in a few months. He was excited. I have so much to tell him, hyung. About how much you’ve changed, about how pretty your wife is, about how happy you are. Don’t worry about me. I’ve always been a loser, so I guess I’m used to doing the loser-like stuff. But I miss dad. I miss him a lot. I miss not being able to tell him about my day, and I miss him telling me everything would be OK. I miss having what you have.”

“So that’s why I’m going home. And I just wanted to tell you that. I’ll be leaving on the proper flight, don’t worry, I’m not going to run off a day earlier and send you into a frenzy. I just… I’m too much of a coward to say it in front of you, so I opted for a voicemail instead. I hope you ge-”

Jong Dae blinked as the line went blank. He licked his lips and sighed deeply before tucking the device into his pocket and walking away from the crowded cafe he didn’t even think to enter.

*******

“You’re not curious?” Min Seok drummed his fingers against the wooden table as the woman continued to read her magazine.

“Not particularly.”

Min Seok gave her a long look before sighing. “You shouldn’t be so easy going with me. Punching me right about now would do us both some good.”

She let out a small chuckle, and that instantly brought a smile to Min Seok’s face. “… context clues,” she admitted. “And maybe the past few years with Tao as a friend. Some things are more obvious than others.” She flipped to the next page.

“And you’re not mad?” He was genuinely surprised. “He was baiting you. He was baiting everyone.”

“Zi Tao has a tendency to bait himself,” she sighed. “I’ll speak to him later.”

“Do you know what he told me?”

“I already know what he told you, and I completely agreed.”

Min Seok choked on air. “What? What do you mean?”

She closed the flimsy bindings and placed it neatly on the table. She gave Min Seok a small smile. “Zi Tao’s a romantic at heart, of course he’s going to take aim for the happy ending instead of the inevitable.”

“He’ll be hurting people along the way,” he said with exasperation, unable to stop himself from rubbing his temples. “He can’t be serious.”

“But you know he is,” she pointed out, “and with good reason. If it were a schoolboy crush, then we’d slap sense into Joon Myun if we had to. But it’s not. Don’t you see? He’s really in love with him. What are we going to do? Tell him to get over it?”

“He’ll get rejected,” he griped. “And then what? I mean, he was already rejected once. Twice will kill him.”

“Or it could make him stronger,” she tried. “And it’s not like it’s our last resort. If it fails, then it fails. And maybe someone better will walk in and replace him. But we can never be sure.”

Min Seok buried his head in his arms and groaned. “I hate everything.”

She smiled. “I love you too.”

“I refuse to go along with your evil plans,” he mumbled.

“I think Tao would be able to handle it on his own,” she admitted. “But being the wonderful person that I am, he has my full support.” Min Seok’s phone buzzed. Mi Lee looked at the name on the screen and the three missed calls and voicemails underneath. “It’s Wu Fan.” She blinked. “And Jong Dae.”

“Tell them I can’t live under these conditions and have retreated to a cave somewhere on Jeju.”

“I’ll tell Wu Fan you’re free for dinner.”

“I hate you.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“… wait. Jong Dae called?” He picked his head to look at the phone in Mi Lee’s hand.

She nodded. “He left a voicemail too.”

“Could it be about the flight,” he murmured. “Put it on speaker.”

Needless to say, that was a rather terrible idea. About five minutes later, he was out the door and off to throttle a throat or two after telling Mi Lee to cancel the dinner.

Or, as Luhan would eloquently put, bitches were about to be put in their places.

*******

Joon Myun didn’t know when “Oh Mr. Jong Dae oooohhhhh” became an integral part of his daily vocabulary. In fact, he didn’t even think to say that whenever Kim Jong Dae participated in something extra manly, or utterly dashing, or wonderfully generous.

He wanted “oh, Jong Dae, you sexy beast, oooohhhh.”

But he opted for the latter. A good move, his inner crazy would tell him.

The sexual attraction didn’t start until afterwards. True, he was a handsome man from the very beginning, but Joon Myun was a sheltered man, even if he was crazy. He had no intention to bump uglies with the younger man when he’d first laid eyes on him, but he did have countless scenarios in his head where they’d meet for coffee in a quieter part of the district and share stories about their day and hold hands. That was in the beginning.

Then Joon Myun had fallen in love, and he still didn’t feel the need to strip down and swoon. He was perfectly content with swooning in his sweater and snug jeans. Because once he’d fallen in love, ever gesture, every word- they were suddenly beyond incomprehensible in Joon Myun’s eyes. They were no longer _just_ words or  _just_  movements- they were signs that Prince Charming had found his way into Joon Myun’s shell and broken it to bring out the  _real_ Joon Myun.

The real Joon Myun who had a severe case of swoonery. Because, at times, he felt as if though the heat that traveled to his face whenever the man turned his way or smiled was enough to send him into a coma. Once, he almost actually did pass out when everyone had run after someone he couldn’t quite catch and just left him there to deal with the man’s beautiful face and kind smile and lilting words. And at the time, Joon Myun still hadn’t felt the carnal bits yet, so when he was finally dropped home and tucked in, he thought that maybe it was an aftereffect of being in Prince Charming’s presence for too long. He fell asleep dreaming about his smile.

And woke up thinking about his hands on his bum. Needless to say, the screech that resounded throughout the apartment did not bode well for the traipsing maid who Kyun Hyun had sent over to cook for him. When the woman came in to ask him what was wrong, he sobbed into his pillow, telling her he was finally a man.

A very awkward, a very crazy thirty year old man.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t known he was gay, because he did, but it wasn’t because of the icky stuff. Joon Myun was sheltered, he was a pure man. He wouldn’t let his mind in the gutter, except for those times when he watched too much television and the MCs on certain variety shows were just too alluring to ignore even in his sleep.

But thirty was different from sixteen, and fantasy was not the equivalence of reality. And now he wanted all the things that others wanted. He wanted coffee with Jong Dae, when they’d actually be drinking hot chocolate. He wanted long days talking about work, about friends, about anything that could come to mind.

And then he wanted nights where tanned hands would knead the knotted muscles in his shoulders and travel down the length of his back until they reached his hips. And then those hands would rub slow circles into the pliant skin underneath, and then soft lips would attach themselves to his neck and hum songs as Joon Myun found it more difficult to breath. Then he’d willingly show him his arms, his legs, his chest, his wounds. He’d let those hands run over the mound of discolored flesh on his lower chest where the bullet entered, and let him run his hands up the ribs that had once been crushed underneath some demon’s boot.

Then Joon Myun would let him take him, because then they would become each other’s. And then their love would be complete, and then Joon Myun would cease to remain broken and become whole once more.

*******

“I’ve given up, hyung,” he said softly.

Wu Fan gawked. “What?”

Joon Myun smiled lightly. “It’s OK. I was just a little shocked about the news, but I’m fine now. It was… overwhelming, but I had the night to think things over. It’s not worth the pain,” he mustered. “I’m a grown man, so I should have been more sensible about my actions.”

Wu Fan smiled sadly. “… it’ll pass, right? I mean, was he your first love?”

Joon Myun nodded. “But it’s in the past now. Let’s just bid him a safe farewell.”

Wu Fan nodded. “Sometimes, that’s the best way to go. I could tell you otherwise, but then I’d be lying. It’s better this way, Joon Myun-ah. Trust me.”

But by then, Joon Myun had already stopped paying attention and was looking blankly up at the sky.

*******

Jong Dae found himself cornered in a bar that seemed to know his brother too well.

“You guys can go for now.”

Jong Dae shuffled back shakily as Min Seok waved away the barkeep and remaining customers. It ended up being just the two.

Then his eyes met Jong Dae, and Jong Dae froze.

“We need to talk.”

*******

“I’m sorry.”

Mi Lee calmly sipped on her juice. “I’m not mad.”

“I humiliated you… kind of. Anyway, I’m sorry.”

“Are you, Zi Tao?” She pondered out loud. “Are you really sorry?”

The man gave her a pained look before averting his eyes, but her abrupt chuckle drew him back.

“Loser.”

His nostrils flared. “What?”

“We have business to get to,” she batted her eyelashes innocently. “You know, lives to best befit the way we want them to. Isn’t this your forte? Overlording over innocent people?”

“I told you I was a demon,” he clipped back. “Where’s this going?”

“I’m here to help you, silly.” She gave him a pointed look. “Mutual goals. Joon Myun’s happiness. And also that I like Jong Dae-sshi very much and would like for him to stay a bit longer.”

He gulped. “Is Min Seok-”

“-I have no interest in your pseudo-gay romance,” she dismissed. “Though, it would be uncanny if Wu Fan found out. I can handle knowing you were trying to get into my husband’s pants, once upon a time, but can he?”

“I’d end up in a bodybag,” he deadpanned.

She smiled. “Then let us forget that ever happened and move on to more pressing matters, shall we?”


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh my actual fucking god.”

“What the?”

“You son of a bitch! You said you’d watch him while I was gone!”

“What if he jumped? Check the fucking news! CHECK THE MOTHER FUCKING NEWS!”

 “… where’s Mi Lee?”

Min Seok groaned. Wu Fan, Luhan, and Kyu Hyun gave him odd looks.

“Where is he?” Kyu Hyun growled. “I swear to god, all of you are about to die very morbid deaths if he’s not back in one pie-”

“-he’s fine,” Min Seok sighed. “But my brother might not be.”

“Huh?” Luhan initially blinked but then his eyes grew as wide as saucers. “Oh my god. Oh my  _god_. Yixing’s in on it too!”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Wu Fan growled. “Who the fuck are in on what?’

“Yixing, Tao, and Mi Lee kidnapped Joon Myun.”

“What do they want with my Joon Myun-nie!” Kyu Hyun wailed.

“What would a married woman and two practically-married gay men want with a romantically withdrawn human being like Joon Myun, Kyu? What the hell would they want with him?” Min Seok chuckled dryly at the irony of it all. “I’ll tell you what they want out of him. They want relief, because apparently, Jong Dae is the right one for him and it’s either that way, or no way.”

“It’s like everyone’s forgotten that he’s straight,” Wu Fan blinked with amazement.

“It’s a fucking conspiracy,” Luhan spat.

Kyu Hyun began to sob. A prayer circle was formed.

Shit just got real.

*******

_**One Week Earlier** _

**~*~**

Jong Dae’s apartment was a sub-let that was catered towards foreigners that usually came in for two to six months worth of business. Jong Dae was already well into his second, and the place was still just a place. There wasn’t any sign etched on any surface that could prove that he once dwelt here after he left. The place was furnished by company goods. The bed, the divans, the TV, the home computer. The kitchen was emblazoned with the shiniest marble and the best machinery, complimented by hand-painted tiles against the wall. The bathrooms, two when the apartment could have done with one, were in top condition while the veranda that looked out into the city was furnished with chairs and a bookshelf that sealed tightly against moisture. And all of it belonged to the building.

All he had to his name were his two suitcases and the laptop and phone he’d dragged along with him from the skyscraper back in Seoul.

He blinked away the remnants of sleep and stared longingly at the colors imprinted into the ceiling of his bedroom.

He missed his father. He’d spoken to the old man just the night before, but his sweet voice and sweeter words still reverberated throughout his memories, causing a heaviness to settle upon his chest. Back when he went to college and was forced to live in the dorms, the old man was only an hour’s drive away. If he needed money, the bank was below the living quarters. If he needed downtime with a girl, more often than not, many were willing because they knew his name and they knew his mother’s power. Everything was just a stone’s throw away back home, and Jong Dae would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t miss it.

He missed Pusan and its thunderous waves and rocky cliffs and dense thickets of forest. He missed the markets streets and the bus lines and the crowded train stop that had an express train to Seoul. He missed his tiny cubicle on the twelfth floor of the building and the nice IT tech who often said hello to him. He even missed his mother.

Though he’d rarely made friends, he’d always at least had that other part- a home to remember, a father to walk around with, a mother to get scolded by. Here, he had almost nothing to fall back on. At the least, if his mother ever decided he was as useless as he looked, he’d just hitch a train back to Pusan and reclaim their old mansion with the help of his father. And then he’d open that music shop he’d always wanted, and gear it towards the less fortunate so they could get a taste of his passions as well.

Or if one day Seoul wasn’t enough and his parents decided Pusan was best, they’d switch headquarters again and he’d be back amongst the trees and sea. They’d probably build a new scraper and sell the one in Seoul to another company, or break it down and sell the parts.

Or, if he decided one day that he just wanted to disappear, he’d disappear altogether from their lives and lurk around the peninsula like he owned the place. He knew it well enough. He might as well.

But here? Here he had nothing. Almost nothing at all.

“Pie alkslkdasd cake allkasdas booooobies lasldads I love you Mi-Mi aksdhasdja hnng…”

Except his brother, of course.

He stifled his laughter and slowly turned his body to peer at the man who’d taken over the other half of his bed. Kim Min Seok had insisted he be able to sleep at his place as insurance against runaway family members. Jong Dae had offered the entire thing in exchange for the couch, but the attorney had other plans in mind and had literally forced him to sleep next to him, telling him the door was too close to the sofa anyway.

Jong Dae wanted to tell him that he didn’t have the balls, like Yixing did. The farthest he would’ve been able to run would be the train station, but besides that, he was here until the day of his flight. But the older man didn’t want to take any chances, and so he didn’t.

Jong Dae found that it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him.

Unlike himself, his brother had everything here. Jong Dae had tried to fit into that definition of everything, but ultimately, he’d failed. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, he knew, but he still blamed himself at times. All he had to do was make the same friends and like the same food, but Jong Dae found that fourteen years apart could tear apart even the seams that were made of blood.

But Jong Dae wasn’t angry. Sad, sure, but he couldn’t be angry. Min Seok was happy, and that was something he’d come to realize gradually over the months- he liked that Min Seok was happy, so he’d indulge him to keep him happy.

Min Seok uttered another string of sleepy, garbled nonsense and Jong Dae sighed contently before turning away.

He looked towards the veranda whose door was open, letting the strong breeze seep into the open room.

And Jong Dae wondered how wonderful it could have been had he properly assimilated  himself into their lives. And he wondered that perhaps there was a semblance of hope left for his happiness with his brother.

*******

“You did the right thing, Joon Myun-ah.” Wu Fan patted his shoulder and pushed the cup of milk towards him.

“Don’t you worry,” Luhan promised. “I have everything under control. By the end of the week, you’ll get your happy ending, OK?”

Joon Myun nodded weakly and took a sip of his warm milk. “I think I’ll treat myself tonight,” he admitted. “Watch a movie with Kyu Hyun. I’ve been neglecting him over nothing.”

Luhan’s eyes lit up. “See! I told you things would finally go the right way!” Luhan animatedly punched Wu Fan in the arm, earning a grunt from the Canadian, before bursting out into laughter. “Things are  _finally_  going back to normal.”

Wu Fan fiddled with his cup. “I feel like we’re missing something.”

Luhan blinked, and even Joon Myun looked a little confused. “What, hyung?” The youngest placed a hand over Wu Fan’s jittery one.

Wu Fan sighed and began to relax. “Min Seok. He’s still broken up about Jong Dae. And now Tao’s avoiding me, and Mi Lee texted me yesterday telling me to be extra nice to him for these next few days. And I was, and Tao… just said thank you. And Min Seok didn’t even come into work today.”

Joon Myun frowned while Luhan scratched his head. “… that. That was…” The cafe owner rubbed his temples.

Joon Myun shook his head. “We missed something. Something must have happened while Wu Fan hyung was with me.”

Luhan clenched his fist. “They fought,” he admitted.

Wu Fan’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Tao and Min Seok… it was bad. But, I guess, not that bad since Baozi’s back to bawling over his brother and Tao’s… working. It’s just, ugh, frustrating as hell.”

“I wish we could have been there to stop them. It’s so uncanny for them to butt heads,” Joon Myun breathed.

“That’s usually Yixing and him, not really Tao. Well, I can care less. They just need to get over it,” Wu Fan grumbled.

“They will,” Luhan assured. “And once Jong Dae’s gone, everything will _really_  be back to normal.”

“… yeah,” Wu Fan nodded, “normal.”

They looked to Joon Myun for a sign of agreement, and he did with his easygoing smile and soft chuckle. No one noticed how harshly he was gripping his cup.

*******

“OK, now you need to stop.”

Zi Tao grumbled. “Stop what? I’m not doing anything.”

Mi Lee gave him a dirty look. “You’re not even grading. Staring holes into math papers isn’t what you offered. If you’re going to help, then help.”

“How about no?” He challenged.

“Fine,” she huffed, and promptly went back to the rest of her papers.

He stared a little longer at the paper embedded with threes and fours and scribbles of potatoes and a myriad of other, crudely drawn vegetables. One of them reminded him of a certain someone with a taste for horridly colored sweater vests.

“… this could have been a lot simpler if you’d just gotten over him,” she deadpanned, marking off another perfect score.

“I’m not in love, idiot,” he barked.

“Definitely could have fooled me.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Why are we friends again? I could be trying to steal your husband,” he pointed out.

“Friends close, enemies closer,” she drawled. “I have Fan-Fan on speed dial.”

He ground his teeth together and slumped back in his chair, tossing the papers aside and covering his face dramatically with his hands. “This is not the reality I wanted,” he mumbled sorely through his palms.

She pushed her own pen and papers aside and gave him a pointed look. “You’re not aiming for his pants,” she stated. “So I don’t really see what’s the big deal with just apologizing.”

“I don’t apologize, woman!” He threw a pen cap at her head.

She caught it deftly between her index finger and thumb. “You should try,” she advised. “If you can’t concentrate on the real issue at hand, then I’m going to have to ask you to pull out of the operation.”

“It’s my operation!”

“And you’re not even paying close attention to the details,” she judged. “We have one week, Tao. One week, or your little hissy fit goes to waste. Do you want them to win? Do you want Joon Myun-nie dating Kyu Hyun?”

“That sorry excuse for a human being won’t get ten feet within my employee,” he promised. He sighed and fiddled with the pen on the desk. “I’ll set the other problem aside for later,” he tried.

She patted his shoulder. “That’s what I like to hear.”

He tried grading the test papers once more but gave up soon enough. He whipped his laptop out of his bag and began typing away.

“Did you know that there’s no record of Jong Dae’s father ever calling here within the last week? The only communication methods used on his behalf were texts. Only Jong Dae made phone calls.”

“I’m guessing you had the phone records bought.”

He nodded. “No calls were made prior, in a timely fashion, to the one Jong Dae made to Min Seok, informing him of his departure. There’s only one record of Jong Dae calling his father, and that’s  _after_  he finished talking to Min Seok.”

Mi Lee smirked. “He’s lying.”

“I don’t like liars,” he admitted. “And I didn’t expect this from him.” He clicked away at a few numbers. “I checked his flight number and post-flight expenditures. He has a train ticket booked to Pusan right after landing. His father’s records have no mentions of him purchasing a ticket to Pusan as well, so he’s still in Seoul.”

She blinked. “Pusan? They were raised there, but I thought Jong Dae-shi’s mother already sold the old home.”

“It’s only boarded up,” he said, shaking his head. “Not sold, but closed down. And tightly, at that. Almost no chance at squatters, though a few might be able to skirt around the security.”

“So he’s in dire need of a vacation,” she tutted. “Could have just said so and invited Min. Rude, much?”

“There’s more,” he began. He clicked open the newly extracted file. He turned the screen until it was facing the woman.

“Is that-” She narrowed her eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Tao nodded grimly. “It’s-”

“-um, Mrs. Kim, ma’am,” a soft voice squeaked from behind her office door. They froze.

“… yes?” She replied sweetly, signaling for Tao to close his device.

“I think I left my water bottle on the table. Can I come in?”

Tao smirked. “I can bring it out for you~” He sang sweetly.

Running could be heard. Little legs bumping into random objects and going headfirst into a myriad of other things could be assessed purely from the noise that was being made. Then soft crying. Then children joining in.

Mi Lee sighed and trudged over to the door while Zi Tao happily clicked away.

*******

Min Seok checked his watch. “Let’s go get beers,” he suggested.

“It’s two in the afternoon, hyung,” Jong Dae tried. “Maybe you should head home. I have to get the rest of my stuff packed.”

Min Seok rolled his eyes before grabbing onto the younger man’s arm. “Nonsense, it’s never too early to get shit faced drunk.” He led him down the street, babbling animatedly about clubs they could peruse later and the pictures they’d take as they went so their father back home could have something to look through before Min Seok got his official vacation.

“And there will be cake, and pastries, but no boobies because I like my wife, but you can definitely have a friendly companion, if you’d like,” Min Seok beamed.

Jong Dae grasped for words but found none. He half thought about spitting out some form of nonsense he’d heard his brother muster in the early hours of morning.

“Ge!”

Jong Dae jumped, but Min Seok only blinked. His already present smile only grew as Jong Dae realized whose voice it was.

“Oh my god, Yixing, heeeeyyyy!”

Much tomfoolery was partaken in as the overgrown men smacked and threatened and laughed about everything and nothing as Jong Dae sheepishly stared at his shoes.

“Oh my god, let’s go to the karaoke bar!” Yixing exclaimed.

“But you don’t drink!” Min Seok gasped.

“But they have great chicken!”

And indeed they did, Min Seok agreed, laughing and pulling Jong Dae along as if he were a pliant ragdoll.

“Wait.” Yixing blinked. “Where the fuck did Joon Myun go?”

“Joon Myun’s here?” Min Seok squeaked.

Yixing nodded and scratched his head. “He said he had to pick up a pair of sneakers because his old ones ripped. I think I told him to sit down in the cafeteria when I went to the bathroom…”

“You forgot him in the cafeteria?” Jong Dae deadpanned, absolutely mind boggled. These were the kind of conditions no sane man could live under. “Dude, what planet do you live on?” He clucked judgmentally.

Yixing threw him a livid sneer. “Go find him yourself if you care so much.”

Jong Dae was taken aback. He had half a thought to clock the older man like he did so long ago, but remembered his promise to the puffy cheeked lawyer.

He clenched his fists and breathed through his nose. “I’ll find him.”

Min Seok shook his head furiously. “No, I’ll find him, you guy head on ov-”

“-come meet us here,” Yixing shoved a piece of paper with an address scribbled on the corner, “ when you find him!” And he dragged a reluctant Min Seok away who wailed for goodwill and Jesus and some other deity along with a few mentions of his wife’s name.

Jong Dae took a few more minutes to calm him simmering temper and his quivering fists. When he finally regained control of himself, he took a deep breath and looked morosely at the shopping complex from which Yixing had bustled out of, forgetting the other man.

He felt bad for the young man. From what Jong Dae noticed, he was the most sane of the bunch. He never needlessly spoke, and always held some semblance of power and truth in whatever he  _did_  have to say. Jong Dae found that admirable in someone who was so soft spoken and hard to anger. In fact, Jong Dae realized that the man known as Joon Myun had never risen his voice over his usual volume no matter how dire the circumstances. He also seemed to be on friendly terms with almost everyone he laid eyes on, also something Jong Dae silently envied about him. He sighed and shuffled dutifully into the store.

In the back of his mind, he thought about how it could have been had he truly became friends with the man who wore his everlasting smile like Jong Dae wore his temper.

*******

He sneaked another look at his watch before shoving the straw tip into his mouth and taking long sips. The apple juice tasted sweet on his tongue, and he made a mental note to get some for Kyu Hyun when he came for dinner and a movie that evening.

He stared at the throngs of people moving to and from the cafeteria he’d settled into. He spied mothers and fathers, boyfriends and girlfriends, brothers and sisters. People even managed to stuff their quirky pets into luxury hand-bags and pet carriers, prompting Joon Myun to sneak peeks at small poodles and other assortments of wondrous creatures. He thought he may have spotted a lizard once and quietly smiled into his drink as he waited for  Yixing to return.

When a hand pressed against his shoulder, he turned around with a big grin plastered on his face, stemming from the fact that he’d just witnessed a little boy and a little girl chase around a plastic car and head face first into a a large lady carrying one too many shopping bags. Needless to say, the fiasco was so hilarious that even the large lady began to resound with laughter as the children helplessly scurried around, still trying to find their precious toy.

Joon Myun had all the strength in the world to recite the quirky tidbit of the day to the cafe owner’s boyfriend. What he didn’t have the strength for was Kim Jong Dae’s smile.

His own instantly faltered, breaking into his perpetually sleepy grin instead of the radiant curve of his lips he was sporting earlier.

Jong Dae laughed hesitantly. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You didn’t,” he lied calmly through his teeth. His heart, oddly, wasn’t beating as fast as it usually did when Jong Dae was around. But then again, Joon Myun had promised himself that he would go back to his roots, and his roots told him to take heed of the signs like he was supposed to. And the signs said that Kim Jong Dae could never be his, so it was time he closed off his heart and moved on.

Joon Myun was moving on.

“I’m sorry, anyway,” he replied sheepishly. “That idiot forgot you here, so I came to find you before you were left behind. I hope you weren’t alone for too long.” Jong Dae took a seat on one of the empty chairs.

Joon Myun longed to tell him that he’d been alone for a long time. A very long time, at that, and that for a while, he’d try to rectify that loneliness to fate’s chagrin. But that was in the past, Joon Myun knew, so his eyes crinkled sadly as he gazed at the man who was leaving soon.

“I wasn’t,” he lied again. Fishing into his memories, he thought about something true to add to the little white lie. “I rather enjoyed looking at the people running around. And the juice is good.” He took a meaningful sip of the liquid and now found it to be poor of taste. He stopped himself from crinkling his nose in disgust.

Jong Dae laughed. “You make good use of time,” he teased before scratching his head lightly. “The idiot said you needed to buy shoes. Did you get them?”

That was something Joon Myun couldn’t lie about- there were no bags to back it up. “Uh… no?” But then he instantly waved his hand dismissively. “I can always get them later. It’s getting late anyway; I have company coming over.”

Joon Myun swore he saw a flicker of disappointment in Jong Dae’s expression before it became blank. “OK.” The younger man got up. “I’ll drop you off,” he offered.

Joon Myun shook his head. “You go on ahead,” he said warmly. “I’d like to sit for a little while longer.”

Jong Dae didn’t say anything this time, but merely nodded. Just as he was about to turn away, his phone vibrated. He excused himself and waved goodbye before walking away. Joon Myun and shoved his quivering hands underneath his table and fixed his gaze on a nearby water fountain as the man moved away.

And promptly returned. Joon Myun coughed into a shaking hand when the latter anxiously neared his table once more.

“That was the idiot,” he said. “I don’t know how he got my number but he did. Uh…” He chuckled dryly. “He told me to get you to buy your shoes and then drop you off. Hyung’s getting wasted at the karaoke bar.”

Joon Myun blinked as the wheels in his head began to turn rapidly.

“It’ll be quick. I’ll even leave you to do the shopping and wait outside. It’s just that the idiot said you really needed shoes and hyung likes to drink too much…”

Joon Myun shoved his naysayer comments aside and found himself nodding and smiling- really smiling.

Something began to beat in his chest again. It began to beat loud and clear. Joon Myun found that he was having trouble breathing again and the heat traveling to his face wasn’t helping.

“OK,” he managed to muster. He picked himself off the seat he’d planted himself in the past two hours.

Kim Jong Dae smiled, his eyes crinkling pleasingly.

And Kim Joon Myun swooned.

*******

“I LOVE YOU, IREON GIBEUN SARANGIN GABWAYOOOOOO!”

Yixing stuffed a finger in one ear while scooting away from the ecstatic man with the microphone in his hand.

“Is that Min Seok singing to 4Minute?” Zi Tao gasped from the other line.

Yixing rubbed his temples before stuffing the finger into his ear again. “Of course he is. We just  _had_  to find the Personal Taste soundtrack in the collection.”

“At least he’s having fun,” Mi Lee chirped from afar.

“… are you two on speaker?” Yixing breathed, utterly scandalized.

“Duh,” they replied in unison.

Yixing pondered on his life choices before ultimately relenting. It was for the greater good. He sneaked a look at the man with the myriad of colorful ties in his wardrobe, now currently dancing on the table, the glasses and plates moving dangerously close to the edge. “It’s been done,” he affirmed, attempting to pull the man back onto the couch with his free hand, music blaring relentlessly against his eardrums. Squeals and high-fiving could be heard in the background. Yixing rolled his eyes.

“Thank you, Xing,” Mi Lee chirped and then the phone went dead.

He stared at the dancing man on the table and contemplated on his life choices again before remembering the sad smile Joon Myun always wore. Then he remembered how on his first day on the job, the young man had offered to show him all the important places in the building, and Yixing had gratefully obliged.

And then he remembered Min Seok sobbing on the phone when he told him that Jong Dae was leaving.

He played with the electronic in his hand before gazing up at the man who’d begun singing a tune about cars while his face shined with sweat and eyes brimmed with mirth.

And Yixing thought it was worth the tomfoolery.

*******

“Running sneakers?” Jong Dae asked.

Joon Myun shook his head. “I just walk,” he admitted. “But I walk a lot, so they tend to get worn out more on the inside than the out.”

Jong Dae chuckled. “So you’re active?”

Joon Myun smiled shyly. “Sometimes.”

“Do you do any type of physical training?”

Joon Myun shook his head, crossing his arms across his chest. “I mostly just walk. Besides that, I like to watch dramas.”

A lot, he wanted to add. He had Korean channels hooked up to his television and cookbooks lying around like nobody’s business. And if the life-sized poster of Leeteuk was called into question, he wasn’t shamed to admit that the man was as amazing as he looked.

“You follow the hallyu wave, hmm?” Jong Dae teased. Joon Myun coughed into his arm.

“Yes,” he said primly.

The younger man began to laugh as they neared the shoe store and Joon Myun found that he couldn’t get angry at the blatant disregard of his obsessions with hallyu and its most prominent figures. Instead, he began to smile earnestly and then break out into full blown laughter.

“So, is there a certain someone in the business who you fanboy after?” They entered the store and began wandering the isles full of adults and children alike.

“Leeteuk-shi is amazing,” he admitted. “Absolutely amazing.”

Jong Dae couldn’t help but break into another fit of laughter, and Joon Myun’s smiles became flustered and he became red-  _increasingly_  red.

“Do you miss home?” Jong Dae asked, but Joon Myun saw that the man immediately bit his tongue afterwards. “I mean, do you miss where you’re from? Not that Hong Kong isn’t your home.” He went quiet right after, focusing on a random buckle-up sandal on display.

Joon Myun found his smile beginning to break. “Sometimes.” He eyed a pair of white sneakers and let his pale fingers softly flit over the hard, outer layer. “I haven’t been back in a while, so I don’t really think much about the place itself.”

Jong Dae nodded, smiling softly. “Where are you from?”

“Seoul,” he said without missing a beat.

Jong Dae nodded. “Pusan, near the cliffs. It’s nice this time of year.”

And then, Joon Myun remembered. “You’re going back there first?” He asked tentatively.

The younger man smiled wistfully and pulled the sandals off the rack and sat down on a bench. Joon Myun followed with his pair.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I already told my dad, so he knows. My mom still thinks I’m in London taking a vacation, so she won’t be expecting me until next month.”

“What are you going to do there?” He took off his shoes and tried on the brand new ones. He found that they matched nicely with his blue jeans and red and black striped sweater.

“Open up my old home. I feel like walking around the beaches again,” he sighed. “Cities are getting to crowded.”

Joon Myun smiled sadly after he realized the shoes were a perfect fit. When he looked over at Jong Dae, he saw that his were a match too.

And then Joon Myun looked at his clock. It was almost four. Kyu Hyun would be knocking on his door in a few hours and he still wasn’t home and the meat was still in the freezer. He quickly pulled off the sneakers and put them in their box as Jong Dae did the same with his sandals.

Yet he wished to stay.

“Pusan has pretty beaches,” Jong Dae said, looking into nothingness. “If you ever decide to come back, you should visit them. They’re crowded along the tourist traps, but near the cliffs and the forests, they’re really quiet. Hyung used to take me there when I was little, and I always made him piggyback me back and forth and called him Horsey when I was really excited. After he left, I stopped going. But then a few years ago, I started going back. I’m hoping that when he comes home, that’s the first place he’ll go after his flight lands, and not Seoul.”

“You want him to come home,” Joon Myun nodded sadly. Everyone wanted to go home.

“I don’t want him spoiling his vacation with Mother lurking around,” he laughed, but nodded firmly. “Home is where our old house is. And the bus lines and the market streets. The water- especially the water.”

Joon Myun tried to imagine himself and Jong Dae walking along one of the so-called-beaches, telling each other awkward life stories and moments when they’d made fools of themselves in public, their pant sleeves rolled a few inches above their ankles while they carried their shoes. Then he tried to imagine themselves on a cliff overlooking the cold, blue water as the trees behind them shuddered and sang with the heavy wind of the evening sky. And maybe the sky would dip in front of them that night, and Joon Myun could bury his head in the crook of the other man’s neck and lace his fingers together with the latter’s as he thought about all the good things that were yet to come.

And Joon Myun could imagine them. He could imagine all of them; he could imagine all the little things they’d do to keep each other happy, of all the random dishes Joon Myun would whip up to keep that smile on Jong Dae’s face, and all the little jokes Jong Dae would make to keep Joon Myun laughing a real laugh and not a make-believe one he’d mustered from somewhere dank and foreboding. And Joon Myun could imagine this all because he  _wanted_  it all.

He wanted this man.

“It’s getting late. Let’s get these things and get out of here so you can fix up before your guests arrive, OK?”

But Joon Myun knew he couldn’t have him, so he simply nodded and handed his sneakers to the younger man. He followed him down the isle, around the corner, and down another isle before they came to the cashier’s desk. Joon Myun reached into his pocket for his wallet, but found the younger man’s thick fingers close over his wrist. He looked up to see him smiling and shaking his head at the same time.

“My treat,” he laughed. “For making you late.”

Joon Myun could only blink as the younger man purchased the shoes and spoke amiably in English with the cashier.

And Joon Myun fell in love all over again.

*******

That night was the first night he failed to pay attention to a Chen Kun flick. Kyu Hyun was ooh’ing and ahh’ing all throughout the wuxia, even gushing at the moments when the evil, eunuch, mastermind concocted ways to kill Jet Li. He should have been flailing and clapping when the sword fights became intense, but all he managed to muster were a few smiles and dry chuckles. By the time they finished eating and Kyu Hyun whined about wanting to sleep, Joon Myun was beyond broken in the focus department.

He set Kyu Hyun up on his couch with his regular comforter and three pillows before retreating to his room and clicking the door shut behind him. For the first time in a long time, he locked the door with Kyu Hyun outside.

He got underneath the covers and accepted the feelings that came to him. He didn’t push away the electricity that drifted up his spine as memories of the other man came to mind. He began to ache for his touch, like he did most nights these past few weeks, but Joon Myun didn’t shy away from the exhilaration that came with it.

He imagined deft hands slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt while lips kissed up the soft flesh of his pale throat. He imagined those hands kneading the skin underneath his shirt that no man or woman had ever touched in that sense, and he imagined those thick fingers pressing against the wound and kissing it lightly before reaching for his lips, hands reaching even lower.

He imagined being loved the way most people only had the pleasure of knowing if they’d found their true love. Now, the comments that his friends normally made didn’t sound as lewd as he imagined how they felt when their lovers fleeted kisses atop their noses and squeezed their hand to reassure them that everything would be OK. Joon Myun imagined Jong Dae’s reassuring hands cupping his cheeks and capturing his lips. He imagined the other man whispering to him that he was beautiful and fine and OK and complete. And that Joon Myun was never broken to begin with, and that it was just an awkward figment of his imagination, and that the truth was that he was amazing and simple and normal and capable of being loved like every other human being.

He arched his back, moaning into the crook of his arm as he curled his toes against the mussed sheets. When he came down from his high, he blearily stared up at the ceiling, the afterimages of Jong Dae’s soft smile and lips fleeting across his eyes as he drifted off to sleep in his cold and lonely bed.

*******

Min Seok awoke with a groan. He cracked his eyes open to see Yixing wrapped in Luhan’s arms, both fully clothed and draped only by a quilt.

Min Seok crinkled his nose. “Why are they snuggling like that in front of me?” He mumbled, scratching his head and willing away the pounding resounding in his hand.

He heard Yixing shift, snuggling closer towards the warmth radiating from his boyfriend. Min Seok inwardly wailed. Where was his Mi Lee? Why was she not holding him like that? Why did he feel so cold?

He looked down to see that his shoes were off, and that the drawer next to the couch was not his drawer.

And that the couch was not his.

And that the real, odd happening in the situation was that he was currently sprawled out in Yixing and Luhan’s couch like a degenerate with a thunderous hangover while they happily dozed off in each other’s arms, probably dreaming about ponies and Nutella. He groaned and slumped back against the cushion provided, remembering that Jong Dae was one day closer to returning home and that he’d spent a perfectly good off-day getting trashed at his favorite karaoke bar. He imagined how disappointed Mi Lee was or would be if she were told.

“Fuck my life.”

*******

Mi Lee poured Jong Dae another cup of hot chocolate.

“So he passed out and the idi- I mean Yixing, Yixing had to carry him home?”

Mi Lee nodded and stirred the sugar she’d poured into her coffee. “All by himself,” she giggled. “Luhan was busy closing up shop.”

“He could have just called me,” he called softly, taking tentative sips from his drink.

“And why would he bother you with that?” She laughed heartily. “Min Seok’s a loser,” she added gently. “And losers ought to be treated like losers.”

“Is that why they dumped him on the couch?”

She winked and he began to laugh. Slowly, she nibbled on a biscuit before clearing her throat. “How was your time with Joon Myun? Xing told me he needed shoes.”

He looked up from his cup and smiled lightly. “Nice,” he admitted. “He’s a good guy. I think he had a date last night, though. He seemed a bit flustered.”

She rose an eyebrow. “A date?”

He nodded. “He was blushing frequently, and it was getting late. He told me earlier that he had company coming over, but I held him back with my talk.” He sighed and took another drink from his cup.

Her eyes crinkled. “You should go over to apologize then,” she coaxed. “Min has work today. You can spend the evening with him.”

“I think Joon Myun has work as well,” he responded shyly. “I can’t just bother him. I’ll probably drop by during their coffee break to apologize.”

She shook her head fervently. “No need,” she assured. “Joon Myun has the day off.”

He blinked. “How do you know that?”

“Because I do.”

That was the end of that business. She gave Jong Dae tips on Joon Myun’s favorite juice brand and the grocery mart where he could pick it up. They laughed and chatted, and heard the phone ring. Mi Lee had him pick up the phone as she made her own quick call in the meantime.

“The whole week,” she whispered.

“So he scored?”

“He thought he was going on a date! Bad! But they hit it off, so that part is good.”

“Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph- THEY HIT IT OFF!?”

“Inside voices, Zi Tao!”

“OK, OK, fine. The whole week. Oh my god, it worked.”

“You hacked into their phones and cameras, of course it worked.”

“It’s because I’m awesome,” he claimed from over the line.

“No,” she shook her head, “it’s because you’re a demon… But an efficient one.”

And that was the end of it. When she walked into the kitchen, Jong Dae told her Min Seok was too ashamed to come home, so he’d be heading to work in Yixing’s borrowed suit. Mi Lee smiled sweetly and told him that, that was more of a regular occurrence than Jong Dae could ever hope for.

And they laughed.

*******

“I have- to go-,” his arms buckled, “to work.”

Wu Fan pressed his cheek against the pillow and scrunched the sheets beneath his fingers. A sleazy tongue worked up the back of his neck and reached his ear before blowing teasingly into it. Wu Fan shuddered and groaned, pushing earnestly back against the thrusts as his body moved on his own accord.

“Fucking hell,” he growled helplessly.

Tao grinned from behind, canting his hips in just the right way that had Wu Fan clawing at the sheets and hoarsely crowing for more. He picked up his pace, his sharp nails digging into the pliant skin of the taller man’s waist as the dull slapping of flesh against flesh resounded throughout the open room.

Wu Fan groaned. “Work, damn it.”

Tao grinned and sharply bit the tip of one of his ears, earning a throaty moan. “No one’s going to work today,” he promised. “It’s just you and me, baby.”

Wu Fan grumbled. Had he not been bent over and fervently being pounded into the mattress, he’d have already knocked the younger man into next week and gone to work with a vicious smile.

But getting laid had been hard to come by these past few weeks because of quarter meetings and contract renewals.

The accountant felt himself being flipped over while the thick flesh slipped out. He found himself gasping in shock until strong arms hooked his knees and pressed them back before he felt himself being filled again. He yelped, feeling the pleasure and inklings of pain creep up his spine and the backs of his knees once more.

And Tao was working even later than usual and hadn’t made to his place or Wu Fan’s for a proper dinner in a while.

He let his eyes slip open to see that the raven haired figure was looking intently down on him, eyes glazed and shining with mirth, lust, and love. For some odd reason, that brought a furious blush to his cheeks, prompting him to bite his bottom lip.

And dinners without Tao were depressing, to say the least. And even Joon Myun these days was either busy fawning over Min Seok’s brother, or getting doted on by Kyu Hyun.

Droplets of sweat fell endlessly against Wu Fan’s skin. He felt his shaky hands cup Tao’s cheeks before bringing his face down for a kiss. It was slow and deep, a contrast to the fervent movement in between his legs and the harsh bend of his knees. He felt his walls clench shortly afterwards, climaxing on his chest and Tao’s while the younger man finished off inside of him and collapsed on top.

Wu Fan blinked wearily with a smile and let his fingers thread through the dark black locks, kneading the hot flesh of the latter’s scalp, drinking in the smell of his scent. Tao nuzzled into his neck and pressed a kiss against his throat before gently massaging the sore skin of his waist riddled with nail marks. Wu Fan continued to massage his scalp. Tao purred.

He guessed they could take a break.

*******

“Let’s make love on the grass!”

Yixing took a long drink of his coffee. “No.”

“But it’s empty and I could rent it out right now!”

“No.”

“But Tao-Tao and Fan-Fan are probably having sex!”

“They’e probably having  _celebratory_  sex” Yixing corrected.

“Celebrating what!?” Luhan demanded

Yixing raised his eyes and blinked. Luhan seethed. He blinked again before looking down at his coffee and breaking into a sly smile.

“Why can’t we have wild nature sex? Why not? Are we not part of nature!?” Luhan’s glasses were strewn across the floor and he was brimming with unprecedented passion and anger.

Yixing laughed and walked out of the apartment with his briefcase in one hand and his cup in the other.

*******

Joon Myun cracked his eyes open to sunshine peeking through his windows. For some odd reason, he felt cold. When he looked underneath the covers, he found his reason as to why.

He instantly yelped at the state of his nudity. It had been a while since he’d purposefully slept naked. The last time was perhaps a year or two ago when he’s gotten out of the shower after a long day at work and slumped onto his bed after just blow drying his hair. He’d woken up thinking he’d been violated, only to learn that he’d ended up on the floor after he accidentally rolled off the mattress and promptly hit his bum rather painfully against the wooden floor.

This time he was snuggled underneath his covers and naked, glowing with an unnaturally alluring mirth. Joon Myun gasped in horror.

He was  _indecent._

“JOON MYUN-NIE!”

Had he not been tangled underneath the warm covers, then he’d probably have fallen off the bed and hit his head somewhere while devoid of his clothes. He calmed himself and then got out of the mess before whimpering about for his clothes that were lying haphazardly on the floor. Once normalcy had returned to his body, he tentatively unlocked his door and peeked outside.

Kyu Hyun was bustling around in his apartment, the comforter folded while the pillows rested neatly atop it on the couch. Joon Myun yawned.

“Tao called!” The older man yelled from the kitchen. “You didn’t tell me you had the week off!”

“I have the week off?” Joon Myun was puzzled. Last he remembered, he had two spreadsheets and a report due by the end of _today_. A week was too much. A week was like asking Mr. Huang to fire you.

He scratched his head. “Could have been a prank call,” he mumbled. Kyu Hyun bustled in with a plate full of burnt eggs and ashen toast. Joon Myun mustered a smile.

“Tao called this morning,” the older man began. “Told me he just wanted to personally remind you of how awesome you are.” He placed the tray on the coffee table and clapped his hands. “Let’s do something together then! I’ll take you over to my office!”

The idea didn’t sound too bad and he was just about to agree when the doorbell rang. Joon Myun blinked. Who could be at his door this early in the morning?

But then it suddenly came to Joon Myun that the sunlight had been poking through his window this morning, thus waking him up. It wasn’t Kyu Hyun’s customary phone call. And Kyu Hyun always woke before him, but he always woke him up as soon as he did because that’s how it always was. Joon Myun glanced at a clock.

It was two o’clock in the afternoon.

The doorbell rang again.

“I’ll get it,” the latter sang, but Joon Myun pulled him back. He shook his head with a shaky smile and ushered him towards the kitchen again. Mind boggled at the concept of “sleeping in,” he numbly walked over to the door and didn’t even bother looking into the peep hole and just opened it.

Only to see Kim Jong Dae waiting outside with a carton of grape juice and a bag that smelled distinctly of ddeokbokki. Homemade ddeokbokki. Fresh ddeokbokki. Joon Myun’s mouth began to water.

“Mi Lee-shi told me you were a fan,” he laughed. “So I made some and brought it along. As an apology for keeping you from your plans.”

Joon Myun wondered in what lifetime he’d done wrong to lose this person out to the female sex. He had a sense to call upon this former Joon Myun and beat him with his old sneakers.

“Thank you,” he smiled.

“JOON MYUN-NIE, WHO IS IT?”

Jong Dae gasped. Joon Myun gasped.

“Oh.” The younger man blinked, but then broke into a small smile. “I’ll leave you to it then.” He handed the food and the juice to Joon Myun before tipping his imaginary hat and walking away.

And suddenly, the ddeokbokki didn’t smell as delicious as it had before.

*******

Tao heard Mi Lee cough something up on the other line. “He said  _what?”_

Tao nodded, sitting clad in his birthday suit while Wu Fan ran around trying to get his legs into his pants while talking frantically on the phone.

“Apparently, he can’t give up,” Tao stated, lounging against the pillows as he unconsciously licked his lips as he stared at his boyfriend flail about. “Something about Korean food and juice and Kyu Hyun ruining lives without meaning to. And, of course, that he can’t give up on Jong Dae.” Tao laughed as Wu Fan tripped on his own feet and went tumbling to the floor. “So I think the plan’s working.”

“So what went wrong? Why would Jong Dae think that Kyu Hyun is Joon Myun’s date?”

Tao sighed. “He doesn’t know about their relationship,” he admitted, “so of course his initial response would be in regards to romance because he knocked on the door with the both of them in the same apartment.”

Mi Lee cursed on the other line. “Of all the nights that moron could have decided to stay over-”

“-he chose last night.” Tao nodded. “Wu Fan’s about to lose a titty right now. Joon Myun’s crying on the phone, and I think Kyu Hyun’s calling me too, but I’m too lazy to pick up.”

“I’ll call Jong Dae and tell him Joon Myun’s feeling a little under the weather and that he should go pick something up to make him feel better,” she suggested.

“Make it work,” he agreed. “In the mean time, I’ll keep Wu Fan busy.”

He clicked off the phone and threw it on the nightstand before climbing off the bed and sauntering over to the older man. Without a word, he picked the phone right out of his hands and clicked it shut. Wu Fan looked about with a horrified expression.

When the older man came to, he threw a well aimed punch at Tao’s face, but he dodged just in time. The force cause Wu Fan to stumble, and that gave Tao enough time to shove his hand into his half done pants and tug harshly.

In less than a minute, Wu Fan was writhing beneath him again. When they finished, the older man groaned about how the carpet burns on his knees were going to give him hell the rest of the week, and Tao responded with another rough thumping that left Wu Fan wondering how the hell he was going to explain his limp come tomorrow.

*******

Joon Myun had to escape. He had to escape right now, because if he didn’t, he would be succumbing to his dreams again. He’d already thrown his sheets and blanket into the laundry for washing, but the urge to touch himself again and imagine hands pressing into his thighs and lips nibbling at his ears- he whimpered and rubbed his eyes, willing away the tears that threatened to fall. He needed to leave. He needed to leave  _now_.

The doorbell rang and it was only six, meaning Kyu Hyun was probably done and ready to grill him about his impromptu breakdown earlier in the day. Without looking through the peep hole once more, he just opened the door and looked frantically at who it could be.

And realized his habit of not looking into the peep hole was more detrimental than beneficial.

Jong Dae stood outside with a tray of cinnamon buns and a canister of what smelled like coffee. This was the second time in one day the man had shown up, and the first time, he didn’t even have the chance to let him in. Without even accepting a hello, he just swung his door open and blankly stepped aside.

Jong Dae blinked confusedly, and shakily stepped in, thinking that Joon Myun would probably slam the door shut on his face if wanted. But Joon Myun closed the door right behind him and ushered him onto the couch, clad in pajamas and a fluffy sweater he’d won at a Disneyland contest.

Jong Dae smiled gratefully and handed the food and drink to him. “Mi Lee-shi said you were sick and that everyone was occupied with work. I felt like you’d want some company.”

Joon Myun blinked and smiled lazily. He wasn’t sick, he knew that quite well, he was just dressed like a hobo that mostly stayed home. He nervously shuffled into the kitchen and put away the stuff before coming back into the den and taking a tentative seat opposite to the man.

“I’m not sick,” he corrected. “I’m just… tired.” He finished lamely.

Jong Dae laughed. “That’s OK. Do you have anything we could do, or do you want me to make you something to eat before you sleep? Mi Lee-shi said Wu Fan will come by tomorrow to check on you.”

Now, Joon Myun wasn’t the type to take advantage of anyone’s kindness. Ever. He was a self sufficient young man and worked long and hard to get there where he was right now. He could cook his own food, clean his own clothes and dishes, and make his own soup when he was sick. And he didn’t need anyone to take care him of when he was capable of doing so himself.

“Joon Myun-ah?”

But there was always an exception of every rule, Joon Myun decided, and quickly nodded at the offer. “Uh… I’m hungry,” he tried.

He nodded. “Then I’ll make something. You can have the coffee and buns tomorrow for breakfast.”

Joon Myun nodded as the man took of his jacket and shoes and went off to his kitchen. Against his better judgement, he followed along as quietly and longingly as anyone ever could.

He made a mental note to thank Mi Lee.

*******

“He’s leaving tomorrow.”

“Min, sto-”

“No.” He said. “I can’t right now. Please… I’ll just stay in, OK?”

Mi Lee nodded sadly and closed the door behind her.

She had Tao on speed dial.

*******

They met inside Mi Lee’s empty classroom, all three in their best business suits.

“So in exchange for Joon Myun’s attempt at courting a straight man, you assholes have been denying Min Seok brotherly bonding time?” Yixing ruffled his hair in exasperation. “What the fuck? Why does this make me angry? Why!?”

Mi Lee looked about sadly. “Joon Myun’s case is working, but it’s not like they’re having sex.”

“And there’s no guarantee that they ever will,” Tao nodded.

“They why did we try to begin with?” Yixing was on his feet now. “Wouldn’t it have been better if we just let him go? Then Min Seok would have been able to spend time with him the entire week, and then bid him a proper farewell. In four months, he would have had his annual vacation and taken off to visit him. It would have been fine!”

“What about Joon Myun?” She demanded. “He deserves a shot at true love. The only thing standing between them is a plane ticket.”

“But Jong Dae’s  _straight_ ,” Yixing yelled. “Just because they’re soulmates doesn’t mean they’re capable of living it out that way!”

“They are capable,” Tao insisted. “They belong together. Anyone who says they don’t is fucking blind.”

“And Min knows it too,” Mi Lee agreed. “But he’s too depressed with thoughts of him leaving to actually pay attention to that matter.”

“He’s right to think that way,” Yixing countered. “It’s his brother, and we’re meddling with love lives we can’t control. And what was it that I heard from you two? An  _accident?”_

”No,” Tao ground out. “I will not fail because of a twenty-four hour deadline.”

Yixing rolled his eyes. “With all due respect, Mr. Huang, this is definitely  _not_ about you right now.”

“Easy, Xing,” Mi Lee warned.

Tao narrowed his eyes. “My pride is at stake,” he said calmly. “I will fix this,” he added. “Both Min Seok and Jong Dae are going to end up the way I want them to. You know why? Because I am a fucking boss. You,” he glared at Yixing, “will keep your mouth shut and help me. And the accident is obso-fucking-lete. That was a slip up, but if played correctly, we can use it to our advantage.”

“… you’re insane,” the Changsha native deadpanned. “The both of you.”

Mi Lee shook her head. “No, Xing, we’re ambitious. This accident only proves that they’re perfect for each other.”

“And rightly so,” Tao finished.

And they got to work.

*******

Jong Dae would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to another day beside the bumbling Kim Joon Myun.

At first, it had hurt him to learn that his brother was being swamped with loads of work, and thus unable to keep all the promises he’d made to Jong Dae. That had angered Jong Dae at first and he’d wanted to confront him about it, but one evening, he walked in on the older man dozing off on his couch in his worksuit. He’d helped him out of his clothes and tucked him into his bed and remembered that he had a wife and a job and Jong Dae only had a job and a father, and they were both back home. His real home. This place was Min Seok’s home, and he’d just have to learn how to deal with it.

But then Kim Joon Myun began popping up on a daily basis.

He didn’t know what he’d eaten that day when he told the man about his true plans when he returned home. That he had developers ready in Pusan to knock down the boards and renovate their old mansion for when Min Seok and Mi Lee visited in the few months. He hadn’t a clue why even mentioned Pusan- the place where he knew Min Seok hadn’t visited once in maybe ten or twelve years. Maybe fourteen. Thirteen? Whichever it was, it was most certainly over a decade.

Jong Dae wanted him to return to something familiar and comfortable, so he was returning with a purpose. And he was returning for good. Home was where the heart was, in the end, and the salty sweet scent of the water made his chest flutter and his toes curl.

But then there was Joon Myun. Jong Dae chuckled helplessly.

When he heard that the older man was sick, something instantly began to hurt inside. Maybe it was because he was his first, real friend aside from Mi Lee and his brother. But Mi Lee and Min Seok found themselves to be obligated to being kind to him- Joon Myun wasn’t. And for his small bouts of kindness, Jong Dae thought he owed him.

At first, the semblance of warmth told him that perhaps the man didn’t care about him as he much as he let on. He guessed that, that other fellow, the one with the deep voice and infectious laughter, was his boyfriend and wouldn’t enjoy Jong Dae coming around, so he’d done his deed as the good Samaritan and left. Kindness received, kindness given. It was something he’d learned after Min Seok’s initial departure from his life.

But the next day, the man had called him as asked him if he’d like lunch. Jong Dae still couldn’t quite figure out how he’d managed to get his number, and chuckled at the irony of it all when he’d first refused to hand it over that one morning so many months ago. He’d agreed.

And that’s when it started.

At first, the meetings were in a timely fashion and he was still five days away from his flight. They’d spent a few hours drinking juice and nibbling on sandwiches on a rooftop restaurant in the neighboring district, laughing and smiling and talking about everything from Pusan’s underground Shaman culture to the current record sales B.A.P was producing back in Korea. Jong Dae even admitted that he liked to listen to Shinhwa. Joon Myun teased him relentlessly about it for the rest of the day.

The next day, on day four from going home, Joon Myun ended up at his doorstep and he had nothing in his fridge but a bottle of beer. He was embarrassed and angry and annoyed and offered to take him somewhere, but the older man waved him away and told him that he came prepared. They wasted the entire day lounging about and eating out of Joon Myun’s picnic basket before ending the night by cracking open the beer and sharing it.

Joon Myun slept on the carpet and Jong Dae lay next to him. They were divided only by the empty picnic box.

The next day, Jong Dae decided he wanted to take a walk and asked Joon Myun if he’d like to join him. And thus, another day spent on speaking about everything and nothing. Jong Dae started to enjoy Hong Kong for once.

Yesterday, they’d watched an old film together and he’d dozed off on Joon Myun’s couch. When he awoke, there was food and drinks and he was content that their friendship had made it this far.

And then, as he was pulling on his jacket to leave, Kim Joon Myun had pressed his lips against Jong Dae’s with his eyes closed and Jong Dae had become wide-eyed and frozen. Then, with whatever strength he had left in him, he pushed the flustered man away and grabbed his shoes before dashing out of the apartment without another word or another look back.

That was yesterday and Jong Dae hadn’t tried to call the man, and the man hadn’t tried to call him either, and Jong Dae found that it was for the best.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to seeing the other man again. Despise the impromptu kiss and his still very present attraction to women and shock at being assumed otherwise- he wasn’t mad. He was disappointed at himself for not noticing that he’d practically strung the man along all these days, had given him ideas that he wanted more out of their friendship than what was deemed necessary  And that made Jong Dae feel terrible because, really, Joon Myun was an amazing person and he could do so much better than someone like himself.

He guessed that he’d have to say sorry eventually, but wondered if that would do anyone any good. If he saw him again, what would he even say? Would the man hate him for abruptly leaving? He already hated himself for it.

Jong Dae sighed and rolled back on his mattress and buried his head underneath his pillow and willed himself to sleep for the day. Tomorrow night, he’d be heading home and this would be past him. These people, this city, the lights, the pain, the rejection- everything would be behind him. He’d be home at last.

But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t wish to see the everlasting smile of the flighty man one last time before he went home.

*******

Tao smiled as the paper burned.

“… you’re insane,” Yixing deadpanned.

The malicious glint in Tao’s eyes did not fade as the flames licked the papers and turned them into ashes.

“Absolutely insane,” Yixing repeated.

*******

“Jong Dae-ah, open the door.”

Min Seok smiled as a bleary eyed Jong Dae opened his door and yawned lazily. Min Seok shuffled right in and closed the door behind him.

“Huh?”

“Oh, silly,” the older man chirped. “Go get dressed. We’re hitting the clubs tonight.”

*******

“This fucker sneaked into Jong Dae’s house. Mi Lee, he’s  _insane_.”

Mi Lee waved him away dismissively. “He just doesn’t like to be proven wrong,” she pointed out. “Relax. He only destroyed the plane ticket.”

Yixing gawked. “He was half thinking about taking the passport too! So then Jong Dae would have to depend on him to help him get a new one without getting into trouble, thus making him stay even longer. This is crazy!”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Mi Lee drawled. “Twenty-four hour deadline, Xing,” she breathed. “This has to work.”

“No,” he insisted. “I refuse to work under these conditions. These are  _not_ the life choices I intended to make!”

“Life,” Mi Lee soothed. “That’s life. You were in it from the beginning, and since you consider yourself such a man, I’m guessing you’ll stay true until the end? Right?”

And then he caved. He bitched, of course, but he caved.

Pride was on the line, like always.

*******

Needless to say, they didn’t end up at the club- they ended up at the cafe with Luhan periodically peering over.

“So, home?”

“Home,” Jong Dae nodded.

“Still wish you hadn’t lied to me in the beginning,” Min Seok chastised. “Very douchy of you.”

Jong Dae smiled, crinkling his eyes. “I admit it.”

“Tomorrow then? At eight, right?”

Jong Dae nodded, and he sipped his hot chocolate as Min Seok lazily sipped his tea.

*******

Wu Fan fixed his tie as Tao kissed his neck and pulled earnestly at his belt buckle. He slapped away the offending fingers but let the lips linger on his throat.

“I’m throwing a dinner at my place, post-Jong Dae’s drop off.”

Tao detached his plump lips and raised an eyebrow. “A dinner for what, now?”

“Post-Jong Dae farewell,” Wu Fan explained. “Can’t have Min Seok drowning in alcohol and tears, so Mi Lee and I are going to fix up a nice dinner for him and invite the guys over. Yixing opted out, saying he’d handle Min Seok post-alcohol because he’d find a way to drink anyway. As for you, I didn’t think you’d want to come. I heard you two fought, so I do-”

“-no,” Tao cut him off, flopping onto the bed, leaving Wu Fan alone.

He nodded. “Didn’t think so. Fix it after he leaves, OK? I can’t have you two eye-fighting it out every time we’re in public. It makes it seem like you two just broke up.”

Tao gagged. “Say what, now?”

Wu Fan shrugged. “It’s so petty it looks almost like a love fight. I demand you fix it after Jong Dae’s departure.” He checked his hair one last time before sauntering towards the door. “And buy some condoms, please. I’m getting tired of having to change sheets every night.”

But Tao had already pretended to doze off.

*******

“… so you kissed him.” Wu Fan put another piece of meat in his mouth as Joon Myun fiddled with his fork.

“Yes,” he admitted. “And we haven’t talked since. But I don’t regret it, hyung.”

Wu Fan stared, dumbfounded. “What do you mean?”

“It was worth the time we spent together,” he said. “Now I know we belong together, but it can’t be. But that doesn’t mean I regret what we had. I’ll never forget it or him.”

Wu Fan nodded and took a sip of his wine. “At least you’re honest.”

*******

Min Seok opted to sleep at Jong Dae’s again, and Jong Dae didn’t mind at all.

“Let’s just stay in tomorrow,” the elder suggested, handing him a beer. “Then I’ll drop you off at the airport.”

Jong Dae nodded. “Let’s.”

They clinked bottles and stared out at the sky from the veranda that Jong Dae had finally gotten around to using.

*******

_**Present** _

_**~*~** _

The next morning, Mi Lee awoke with a mission on her mind and Tao and Yixing’s numbers ready to go.

She took a day off and got to work.

*******

That same morning, Joon Myun awoke with a smile, remembering the past few days as the fondest of his entire life.

He’d fallen in love and he’d kissed the man of his dreams without a single regret.

And now it was time to say goodbye.

*******

Jong Dae awoke that morning with a weary smile, catching a glimpse of his drooling brother before his thoughts drifted to a man with a lazy smile and skin as white as milk.

He regretted not being able to tell him goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

“This is all your fault,” Luhan seethed.

Wu Fan grimaced. “How the fuck is it _my_  fault?”

“It was Zi Tao,” Kyu Hyun sniffed. “Only he can plan something so  _sinister_.” He began to sob again.

 “No,” Min Seok said solemnly. “It’s not him.”

“It was Mi Lee, wasn’t it?” Wu Fan shook his head.

“Both,” Luhan barked.

“And your boyfriend!” Kyu Hyun crowed.

Suddenly, a wild phone rang. The four men awkwardly stuffed their hands into their pants’ pockets to decipher whose clunky device was vibrating in the middle of their standoff.

Min Seok managed to win out, and almost instantly, the other three neared the shortest man.

“Hello? Oh, you’re on? That’s great. Is it leaving yet? Another hour? Fantastic. Call me when you land.” He clicked off the phone just when his eyes began to water. “He’s leaving.”

All but Wu Fan stepped back. “Say what now?”

The puffy cheeked lawyer sniffed and used his sleeve to wipe off any excess moisture. “Gone. Jong Dae’s gone.”

“… oh.” Luhan blinked and shuffled his feet.

“So where’s Joon Myun?” Kyu Hyun demanded.

“Probably back at his place,” Wu Fan surmised. “Maybe he just went to say goodbye.”

Min Seok nodded quietly, and oddly enough, no one questioned why. Luhan went to set the table like he was originally supposed to while Kyu Hyun took to a corner to make a phone call. Wu Fan guessed the best course of action on his part would be to stand dangerously close to the shorter man as he silently wept.

“He’s at his apartment,” Kyu Hyun said softly in Luhan’s ear. “Yixing dropped him off before disappearing.”

The older man nodded. “Maybe he just went to say goodbye,” Luhan whispered back. Kyu Hyun nodded.

When they sat to eat, the only sounds ricocheting off the walls were of cutlery clanking and food being chewed. When Wu Fan broke out the beer, it became even quieter.

*******

Min Seok stirred the sugar in his coffee while Mi Lee dozed on the couch.

“We’re a little early, yeah?” Luhan set the toast and jam on the coffee table, maneuvering around Mi Lee’s sprawled case to get to Yixing who was situated on the opposite couch.

Min Seok shook his head and merely smiled. “Nah. We’re fine.”

He set the cup down on the table and went to his wife. She woke up to his lips pressed warmly against her forehead.

*******

“You have a fever, you idiot.”

Tao grumbled. “Child’s play.” He attempted to rise from underneath the covers, only to get roughly pushed back.  _“Ow.”_

“I get to play doctor,” the taller of the two smirked.

“You couldn’t save a cockroach,” Tao replied scathingly.

Wu Fan pinched his sides. Tao squawked and turned away from him. He rolled his eyes. “Drama queen.”

Tao didn’t say anything, and Wu Fan decided he wouldn’t either. Instead, he crawled underneath the covers and back-hugged the younger man until he fretted and whined for kisses.

*******

“Crisis averted,” Luhan stated solemnly.

“Indeed,” Wu Fan drawled. “But where the hell’s Joon Myun?”

“On his way,” Min Seok said. “I saw him getting food from Kyu Hyun outside.”

Luhan yelped and began to clap his hands ecstatically. Min Seok burst into laughter.

“And normalcy returns,” Wu Fan hummed, taking a long sip of his juice.

Joon Myun shuffled in a few minutes later with a cloth-wrapped bin that was falling apart faster than he was walking. Had the attorney not dashed in to save the day, the soggy noodles and foul-smelling sauce would have spilled and cost a fortune for Luhan to get removed. Min Seok deftly trashed the ensemble before anyone could end up in the hospital.

“How’ve you been?” Wu Fan questioned almost immediately.

Joon Myun tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “Good.”

“Well, you’re gonna be great once we’re done!” Luhan called for food and drinks with a snap of his fingers.

“Really?” Min Seok asked. “That’s awesome.”

Joon Myun smiled. Wu Fan gagged. Even Luhan and Min Seok took a moment to assess the situation.

“Uh…” Min Seok cleared his throat. “You seem chipper.”

Joon Myun nodded and took a sip of his water. “Yup.”

“Anything we should know?” Wu Fan’s grimace was back, but Joon Myun only giggled.

“Nothing, really,” he assured light-heartedly.

Luhan gasped and then narrowed his eyes. “Spill it.”

Joon Myun blinked innocently. “Spill what?” Wu Fan was scared. Min Seok didn’t like where this was going. “But there’s nothing to spill,” Joon Myun affirmed.

“Hiding things from your coffee brothers is considered a grave sin to the bro-code. On par with bro-cide,” Luhan recited.

“Well, if you put it that way…” Joon Myun’s grin only widened.

And Min Seok suddenly realized that somewhere deep down, the evil trio had won- a _ctually_  won.

Wu Fan ground his nails into the table.  _“What?”_

“Mr. Jong Dae and I agreed to exchange letters with each other.”

And then the bell rang to end the coffee break.

*******

**_Flashback_ **

“Let’s get something to eat,” Min Seok encouraged whist poking the younger man’s arm.

Jong Dae stifled his laughter. “I know you’re getting shit-faced drunk later,” he teased, causing a light pink brush of color to bloom on his older brother’s affluent cheeks. “Luhan let it slip that he was throwing a dinner. I don’t want you fattening up on my account,” he stated in mock-seriousness.

“It all goes to my face anyway,” the elder sighed. “And my thighs. But my thighs look good, so I’m not particularly pressed.”

Jong Dae nodded amiably and stifled another bout of laughter.

A minute later, the car pulled up to the drop off aisle, and Jong Dae began to hum softly. The tune was old and native to the few, scattered villages in Pusan that saw tourists whenever the tourists accidentally stumbled off the main path around the waters. Min Seok picked it up from there added a few words to the song before a loud beep from behind threw them off their course. Min Seok laughed. Jong Dae laughed along.

“Let me just go park my ca-”

“-how about you head to the dinner, and I’ll call you once I board?” Jong Dae planted a weary smile on his face while he witnessed the flush of excitement turn into sadness on his brother’s face.

“I’ll be there in a few months,” he said, but Jong Dae knows it’s more of a promise. “Tell dad to stay put.”

Jong Dae nodded in agreement. Before he could say another word, the elder pulled him into a hug that lasted far too long for other drivers’ liking, and so more horns were blared but Jong Dae knew the older man heard nothing but the sobs both of them were quietly weeping.

“I’ll see you, OK?”

“Skype,” Min Seok deadpanned.

“Phone,” Jong Dae added.

“E-mail?”

Jong Dae blinked. “E-mail.”

Another horn and Jong Dae finally got out of the car. He waved; Min Seok waved back, and the car drove away as the sun finally went down for the night.

*******

“Hi.”

Jong Dae turned around to a familiar face and voice.

“Joon Myun-ah, what are yo-”

“Let’s get hot chocolate!” He cut off before Jong Dae could finish his question. A warm hand wrapped around his wrist and gently pulled him towards the exit of the airport station.

When they reached the one of the many vendors lining the outside of the drop off line, Jong Dae regained his composure and took in the sight of the last person he thought he’d see.

“Two, please,” he heard him say, the soft words rolling off his tongue in a melody Jong Dae didn’t want to spend time deciphering.

When he was sure his heart rate was back to normal (not without pressing a hand to his chest and biding the beating organ), a small frown began to crease his features. “What are you doing here, Joon Myun-shi?”

Joon Myun turned to him with two cups of steaming drinks, and pressed one of them to Jong Dae’s chest without answering. Jong Dae took the cup without taking his eyes off the older man.

“I came to apologize,” Joon Myun said. “I-I wanted to say goodbye.”

Jong Dae took a long, hard look at the man dressed in a baggy hoodie and worn jeans, both hands holding the small cup of warmth. His eyes glistened with a shine he didn’t think was there the last time he saw him, but it was back. And it was bright.

And it was directed towards him.

“It’s OK,” he blurted before he knew. The slip up prompted him to slap one hand over his mouth and almost drop the drink in his hand. A smile bloomed on Joon Myun’s face, and Jong Dae felt that familiar thumping pick up speed in his chest.

“Really?” The question is as genuine as it is meekly asked, as if afraid of the answer.

Jong Dae smiled because he’d gotten into the habit of telling the truth. “Really,” he assured. “I-”

“I love you.”

Jong Dae blinked.

“I love you,” Joon Myun repeated, heart in his mouth and wisps of fog coating his words in the cold night. “I love you, but it’s OK that you don’t because I like being friends with you and I’d rather be friends than be lovers if being lovers makes you uncomfortable because I value your friendship and Mr. Huang is spying on us and I just really need to get my feelings out because I like you and you’re great will you please be my frien-”

Jong Dae needed to backtrack on his personal space lessons, because his hand was over Joon Myun’s lips, barely touching the skin but still there as a gesture for him to stop.

And Joon Myun did. His eyes were wide and brimming with a fear Jong Dae was all too familiar with- a fear that overtook him when he first saw his brother after a decade long absence.

“I want to be your friend.” In Jong Dae’s list of things to say, that was at the top.

Joon Myun nodded, Jong Dae’s hand still hovering over his lips.

“I’m not angry that you kissed me- just a bit uncomfortable.”

Something in Joon Myun’s eyes fell, and Jong Dae felt like slapping himself.

“But I still want to be your friend, because I’m equating out situation to movies where best friends accidentally kiss other best friends, then apologize, make up, and go back to painting their nails and playing video games.” Jong Dae blinked. “Not that you paint your nails or anything, but I like video games, so I think that counts.” He blinked again.

Joon Myun nodded, mouth shut and eyes beginning to glow with something warm once more.

“Do over?” Jong Dae asked as his hand fell away.

Joon Myun took a deep breath before breaking into a smile. “Do over.”

And they shook on it.

*******

**_Present_ **

“But why letters,” Luhan asked the next day.

“Because letters are profound and heartfelt,” Wu Fan lectured.

“I think Skyping would have been a bit more beneficial to the friendship,” Luhan drawled.

“But letters convey more meaning to their friendship. It makes them wonder about what they’re gong to learn about the person next, and allows them to formulate the best possible answer to the situation when they finally do get the letter,” Wu Fan insisted.

“You sure do know a lot about letters,” Min Seok drawled.

“I’m a smart man,” he ensured.

“Or maybe it’s the stack of love notes Zi Tao sent him,” Luhan snickered.

Wu Fan threw a crumpet at his head, but the treat managed to land in his lap instead, prompting the owner to gobble it down almost instantly.

“I like writing,” Joon Myun tried.

“Jong Dae’s not technologically retarded though, so why bother,” Min Seok began.

“And neither is Joon Myun,” Wu Fan jumped in, ready to defend his honor.

“I would hope not,” Luhan drawled, “since you’re working for Tao-Tao.”

“But see, letters are the best course of action when you’re in the-” Joon Myun slapped a hand over his lips.

“In the what?” Wu Fan asked.

Min Seok narrowed his eyes. “Repeat that again.”

Joon Myun blinked and shook his head.

“You have ten seconds to repeat that before I  _make_  you.”

Luhan got a hold of Wu Fan’s arm and roughly pulled him back before sweetly looking to Joon Myun’s frozen figure.

“Joon Myun, honey, just tell the man what he wants to hear,” he encouraged with his brilliantly fake smile and strong grip on Wu Fan’s arm.

“I… uh… he told me-”

Min Seok snapped and lunged for the smaller man when suddenly a wild hand caught his wrist and pushed him back into a seated position.

“No girls allowed!” Luhan crowed.

Mi Lee threw him a dirty look beforepulling up an empty chair and seating herself down primly. She cleared her throat and stared at Min Seok’s seething figure.

“Jong Dae’s left for the army.”

*******

It took all of Zi Tao’s inner strength not to break the cellphone in his hand.

“-and he won’t talk to  _anyone_ ,” Wu Fan raged, “and Mi Lee just told us to let him go because the situation was personal and that it was something Min Seok would have to get over because that’s how life was, but Min Seok hasn’t been back in the country in years and he’s going to have a shitload of legal trouble when he gets back. I just wish he’d talk with us.”

The taller of the two flopped down on the bed and buried his head underneath a pillow. Tao threw the phone on the night table and cuddled up against him. “It’s his business,” he tried. “Let him fix it.”

“Friends are supposed to help friends in situation likes this,” Wu Fan barked. “But he hasn’t picked up my phone calls. I spoke to Mi Lee and she said she’s camped outside the bathroom door with him refusing to come out. It’s a crisis.”

“I told you to let me work my magic,” he grumbled. “But _no_. No one listens to Zi Tao, the boss. No one listens to the man who knows best, who’s been through the situation, who has some semblance of an idea on how to deal with runaway foreigners you happen to be in love wi-”

“We’re both Chinese,” Wu Fan deadpanned.

“… you’re partially Canadian,” he coughed.

“I only go back to reissue my work visa.”

“But you’re still Canadian!”

“And  _I’m_  the one who had to chase  _you_. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Zi Tao decided alcohol was in order.

*******

“-so now I’m sleeping in my apartment, alone, and Wu Fan refuses to pick up his phone. Why can’t he be as sensible as you?”

Mi Lee took another spoonful of pudding and shoved it into her mouth, eyes fixed on the bathroom door. “Because Min isn’t gay.”

“And Wu Fan  _knows_  that,” he insisted. “Why won’t he understand that!?”

“Because you’re supposed to come clean in the beginning,” she pointed out, eyes leering at the door knob that deemed to turn in her head but not in actuality. “But Min doesn’t count because it wasn’t his fault that you couldn’t keep junior in your pants. So in reality, everything is your fault.”

“… this is why I don’t have lady friends.”

“And I’m thankful you messed up, because then I wouldn’t have been able to stalk him and get his number and then proceed to Sharpie a tramp stamp above his perfectly shaped bum. So, thank you and I’ll speak to Wu Fan after Min comes out of the bathroom.”

“What are you going to do, tackle him into sanity?”

Her pudding-filled spoon stopped midway to her mouth and she blinked thoughtfully. “Yeah. I think that could work.”

Zi Tao gasped when he heard the shrill war cry and the following bouts of thrashing and screaming.

*******

_Dear Mr. Jong Dae,_

_First things first: I’ve never written a personal letter before. But then again, I’ve never had a pen pal slash bff, so I guess this is progress._

_Anywho, I just wanted to say that I had the funniest time with my coffee break mates today. I told them that you and I agreed to send each other letters, and they instantly freaked out. I think Min Seok hyung already called you in regards to it, right? Considering how long it takes letters to actually get to someone’s doorstep, I call this wonderful, wonderful progress._

_Mr. Huang was absent from work for about a week, also. I think he spent too much time outside in the cold (when he was eavesdropping on our conversation), and thus contracted the cold virus from some sniffling passerby as we finished off our cocoa._

_I hope you landed safely._

_Sincerely,_

_Joon Myun_

*******

Joon Myun clasped his last cufflink and smoothed his collar one last time before grabbing his briefcase.

“JOON MYUN-AH, HURRY!”

Kyu Hyun’s absurdly loud voice only made the smile on his face brighten.

And he knew it would be a beautiful day indeed.

*******

_Dear Joon Myun,_

_Hyung called me. He was telling me all this weird stuff about how you were being influenced by some evil trio to get me to turn gay for you. It was awkward at best, but I assured him that we were just friends, and that this was our attempt to remain so. Also, I assured him you weren’t the type to be influenced by evil trios, so that shut him up too._

_I got home safely, so thank you for the well-wishes. I spoke to my father and he said that he wanted to see me as soon as possible, so I’m going to pick him up in Seoul and drive him back here. I spoke to my IT tech friend just yesterday too, and he wants to bring his girlfriend to see me. Some kind of ritual bro-code stuff that I’m not accustomed to, so I’ll try to shape the place up as best I can before they all pile in to visit._

_If you have any trouble with any evil trio members, then just call me, letters be damned. I’ll hop on the next flight to fight for your honor like most people do in shounen magazines._

_Sincerely,_

_Jong Dae_

_P.S: Hyung’s calls have been awkward, if not completely weird. I have a feeling you let out our little secret. As disappointed as I am, it was inevitable at best, so as punishment for breaking your promise, I demand you help my darling sister-in-law get him out of his funk. He won’t stop hitching his breath on the phone, and it sounds like he’s holed up in the corner of a bathroom or something._

*******

“You need to get the fuck out of this room or else I’ll break down the door, I swear!”

“Then you’d have to go to the hospital and get those shots that stop the bleeding and stuff,” Luhan drawled. Yixing threw him a nasty look.

“Maybe Zi Tao can threaten to fire him,” Mi Lee thinks.

“Did your woman powers not work?” Luhan said scathingly. “Try pressing your boobs against his face or something.”

“If he’d open the door, then I’d strip,” she pointed out.

“Ew, don’t,” Luhan crinkled his nose in disgust.

Yixing rubbed his forehead. “You said you tackled him last night. Did that not work?”

She shook her head morosely, plopping down on the floor and sighing deeply. “I attempted tying his hands and feet together, but those humongous thighs just threw me across the room. I only managed to tear his shirt before he locked himself inside the bedroom.”

“At least we know that he’s had contact with Jong Dae,” Luhan drawled. “Bless Joon Myun’s soul for tipping us off.”

“The letter exchange was rather quick though,” Yixing calculated.

“Net mail,” Mi Lee smiled.

“But that’s not actual letter exchanging,” Yixing insisted.

“Which means it’s not an actual romance,” Luhan added.

A dejected sob sounded through the door and into their ears.

“Fucking Min Seok,” Yixing growled.

“Wait till he actually gets shipped off,” Mi Lee said bitterly. “Then it’ll be words on paper and-”

Another wail echoed throughout the apartment and they all cursed simultaneously.

*******

_Dear Jong Dae,_

_Something awful has happened! Remember when I told you things here were weird? Well, now it’s reached near absurdity. Wu Fan-shi’s been sleeping on my couch these days rather than Kyu Hyun. It turns out that before the current romantic angles took place, there was a bigger, more pressing romance in the air. Mr. Huang was in love with Mr. Min Seok!_

_And Wu Fan-shi is heartbroken. Mr. Huang is his first love, and I think he’s depressed he’s not Mr. Huang’s first choice. It’s a sad day for everyone._

_Sincerely,_

_Joon Myun_

_P.S: I didn’t say anything! It was Mi Lee-shi. She’s so good with words._

*******

“It’s Zi Tao,” Yixing gasped.

“Huh.” Luhan scratched his head and peered at Yixing’s phone. When he read the text, he frowned. “Well, shit.”

Mi Lee poked her head out of the kitchen, chocolate still caked on the outside of her lips.

“Your husband’s about to lose all his benefits,” Luhan said dejectedly.

“And his work visa,” Yixing added.

“And healthcare,” Luhan finished.

Mi Lee’s eyes widened. “Is Tao planni-”

“Yes he is,” Yixing finished. “So either you break down that door, or I do.”

*******

“So you still love him,” Wu Fan finished.

Joon Myun nodded. “And I don’t plan on stopping.”

“Won’t it make him feel uncomfortable knowing that you’re his best friend- and that he’s friendzoning you now and for the rest of eternity.”

Joon Myun twirled a lock of his hair. “It’s not something I can fight,” he admitted.

“Tao said he fought his.” Wu Fan played with a frayed end of the blanket. “He told me that I was the miracle he thought he’d never get.”

“Jong Dae told me I was the first person to care about him without being blood-related.” Joon Myun said softly.

“Then why is it so hard for me to accept it, even though it’s supposed to be a good thing. Why does it hurt knowing I wasn’t the first one to make him feel the way he does now.”

At that point, Joon Myun found his head on Wu Fan’s chest, and the feeling of warmth and kindness and love permeated across every fiber of his being. And he remembered that he was whole now, so the crack in Wu Fan’s heart was something he could fix since he’d already had help in completing himself.

The feeling is new- the feeling in helping someone who truly needed it.

“If he loses you, then the miracle never existed,” Joon Myun said. “If you stop loving him, then he was always the loser. If you don’t heal yourself for him and remind him that you’re the one for him, then he has to remind himself that he’ll always be the broken one. He’ll have to live knowing both you and Min Seok were merely passing figures that his heart couldn’t shield itself from, and that miracles don’t exist. He’ll stop believing.”

Wu Fan grumbled incoherently, placing an arm over his eyes. “Why is it that everything always boils down to him?”

Joon Myun smiled, recalling a pair of dark brown eyes that crinkled with mirth and told him that he was his best friend.

“Because you’re the elder and the smarter one in the relationship. It’s your job to steer him in the right path and remind him of your fabulosity and how he needs to put you above everything else in his life. So technically, you’re in a win-win situation.”

“I love how falling in love with a straight guy’s turned you into some kind of relationship guru.”

“Mr. Huang seems to have taken the same path,” Joon Myun teased.

The resulting pillow fight involved didn’t help Kyu Hyun, who was forced to clean up the next morning.

*******

He dressed himself in his best sweater vest, slacks, and pulled out his favorite briefcase. A myriad of “good mornings” rang about on his entrance, and he knew he looked as good as he sounded when he responded.

Black slacks, dark red sweater vest, black and red tie, with hair touched with pomade and a hint of scent on his cufflinks. Yixing grimaced next to him. He’d only gotten two hours of sleep.

“I spoke to Jong Dae last night,” he said. “He’s being ushered in next week. I’m going to clean up whatever legal business I have and get there to see them before he leaves.”

“They’re going to ask you to enlist,” Yixing growls. “You can’t dodge the service unless you want to risk losing more than just your dignity.”

“Does it make me a bad patriot if I say I’ll do it when I’m forty?”

“Is that even legal?”

“I’ll work on it,” Min Seok promised. “But not without seeing my brother first.”

“Zi Tao just threatened to fire you if you didn’t get to work today. Do you really think it’ll be proper for you to ask him for an impromptu vacation?”

“I know you both broke into Jong Dae’s apartment and scissored his original plane tickets.”

“… shit.”

“Indeed.”

*******

_Dear Joon Myun,_

_I’m not surprised. Everyone seems to be involved in some kind of melodramatic issue over there. Tell Wu Fan it’ll be fine. Huang will get him in the end, anyway. He doesn’t seem the type to take no for an answer._

_In other news, my official entrance is scheduled for next week! Wish me luck! I’ve attached the address of my enlistment center, so actual paper exchanges begin with you!_

_Sincerely,_

_Jong Dae_

_P.S: But how did she know that? I told no one but you and my father!_

*******

“I’m sorry.”

Min Seok blinked and cleared his throat. “I just came to submit vacation pa-”

“-it was wrong of me.”

“Yes, but I need to go-”

“Wu Fan came to me this morning. He kissed me, and I’m sorry.”

“I have nothing to do with your love li-”

“So forgive me, maybe?”

Min Seok gave Zi Tao a long, hard look. “Why must you be so weird?”

“I’m not the one who locked myself away from the world to cry to my little brother.”

“You don’t even  _have_ brothers.”

“For which I’m thankful.”

“Just give me my fucking vacation days.”

“Only if you promise to come back.”

“I’m going to have a shitload of legal trouble to get past to even be allotted time to renew my working visa.”

“You can always just stay here and I’ll find a way to kidnap Jong Dae and your father and bring them here?”

“You’re not kidnapping my family.”

“I can always try.”

Min Seok turned around and went for the exit. “Bye now, Mr. Huang.”

“Call me when you land!”

*******

_Dear Jong Dae,_

_Test drive letter. I repeat, test drive letter._

_Sincerely,_

_Joon Myun_

_P.S: I think she’s part of the evil trio. You didn’t hear that from me._

*******

Happy endings were amiss. Zi Tao lounged in Wu Fan’s abnormally cave-like embrace and purred like a cat. Luhan had no shame in nipping at Yixing’s ear.

Mi Lee threw them all dirty looks. Joon Myun amiably sipped his cocoa.

“Let’s go be lonely in a corner, Joon Myun,” she pressed. “The sweetness here sickens me.”

Luhan blew her a raspberry before latching onto a unmarked spot on Yixing’s neck. One of the surrounding customers coughed rather loudly at the scene.

“It’s like softcore porn, I swear,” she barked scathingly.

“Just because you’re not getting any because of Min Seok’s sudden departure doesn’t mean we all have to suffer because of it,” Luhan chirped, arms secured around the other man’s waist.

“Straight people problems,” Zi Tao snickered. “I bet even Joon Myun’s getting some,” he added wickedly.

That caused Wu Fan to cough and throw Joon Myun a weak smile. But the younger man was off in his own world.

Mi Lee peered at the man who fiddled with his cup and smiled from time to time, obviously in a dream-like stance with a memory that probably made him happier than all the others at the table.

“He seems to be getting some in his head,” Luhan drawled. But then he gasped- really,  _really_  loudly.

“What’s he thinking about?” Yixing tries to decipher the meaning on Joon Myun’s face, but gives up and returns to his peppermint chai almost immediately.

“I kissed him,” Joon Myun said shyly.

Wu Fan coughed with effort this time, and Tao almost went flying out of his lap. The sound of Tao’s unmanly screams broke Joon Myun out of his reverie and had him looking frantically from person to person.

Luhan threw Yixing to the side and clapped before grabbing him again and nuzzling him close. The latter growled.

“Who was it?” Mi Lee asked.

“Wait!” Zi Tao whipped out his phone and clicked until putting it to his ears. “It’s me. Of course I’m fabulous. Now you’re on speaker.”

Min Seok garbled nonsense from the other side, explaining how the train ride to Pusan made him feel old and such. “What do you want,” he demanded.

“Hi, baby.” Mi Lee cooed.

“My love, is that yo-”

“-on to more pressing business,” Zi Tao cut in. “Joon Myun was just about to kiss and tell.”

“The fuck does his life choices have to do with me?” Min Seok growled, the sound of roaring tracks making its way to their ears. “Give me back my wife.”

“She loves you not,” Luhan smirked, and Mi Lee flicked his forehead sharply.

“Anywho, who’d you kiss, Joon Myun?” Zi Tao beamed.

Joon Myun didn’t budge. Wu Fan began to sweat profusely.

“Was it a girl?” Mi Lee asked.

“He’s not on your team, Mi Lee,” Luhan scolded. “Was it Kyu Hyun,” he swooned.

“I-”

“It was a teddy bear,” Wu Fan blurted out.

“Is that why you dialed me?” Min Seok pressed. “To inform me that one of the accountants was making out with a stuffed animal?”

“On the safe side, Mr. Jong Dae is very soft for someone so incredibly manly, so teddy bear might be an accurate description,” Joon Myun mumbled.

Loudly enough for everyone to hear.

The noise that Min Seok made on the phone told Wu Fan he’d have to hire extra security around Joon Myun before the man entered Hong Kong once more.

*******

“No, you need to explain this to me right  _now._ ” Wu Fan planted himself right in front of the exit. “It was supposed to stay between us!”

“But I have to work,” Joon Myun gasped.

“You kissed him!” Min Seok crowed from the phone that belonged to Zi Tao but Luhan had swiped before chasing Joon Myun who’d tried to run off. “You kissed my little brother!”

“Why must you insist on breaking poor Kyu Hyun-nie!” Luhan sobbed dramatically into his tissues with one hand while holding the phone in the other.

Joon Myun scratched his head as the three seethed. He blinked. “His lips tasted like apples,” he offered.

*******

_Dear Joon Myun,_

_You should have never told Hyung that you kissed me. Now he’s been sending me frantic looks and asking our father frequently to check if I’m still interested in women. It’s so weird being in the same room now._

_But enough of that. The worst thing happened yesterday! Mom found out I came home, and now she’s livid that I didn’t go say hello to her. I’m curious to see who she’ll toss out the window when she finds out that I’ve reclaimed our old home and started renovations, enlisted in the army, and brought Hyung back. War’s coming, and I feel like I should be building myself a bomb-shelter, but then Dad would get claustrophobic and that could end in another trip to the hospital. But worse, she’s also found out that I didn’t go to London for a trip. She thinks I’m living in some motel in a rundown town here in Pusan, and she’s coming to confront me. She knows I was in Hong Kong, but can’t decipher why, which is why she’s bringing her lawyer, her secretary, and three others in her posse to either destroy me completely or at least disown me._

_Should I not reply to your next letter, assume that I’m sleeping with the fish. But worry not. I’ll make sure Dad and Hyung make it to Hong Kong before I’m offed by my own mother._

_Sincerely,_

_Jong Dae_

_P.S: Mi Lee-shi would never! … I think. Also, my friend’s been reading our letters. He’s at the center right now so he’s getting all the letters before me. He says this is sweet. He’s sad his girlfriend isn’t as sweet. I think I should cheer him up or something._

*******

“When is he coming home?”

“Mi Lee, darling, come out of the library.”

“I’m going to grade papers nonstop until he comes home.”

“You weren’t like this before,” Tao stated.

“The heart, Taozi,” she affirmed. “My heart speaks to me.”

*******

“And in other news, his wife’s acting weird. And so are you," Luhan drawled. Yixing rubbed his sorry tummy while Luhan stared blankly at him. “You shouldn’t have tried the caramel. The peppermint was better,” the elder lectured affirmatively.

“I think Mr. Zhang is sick,” Joon Myun said worriedly.

“Yeah, sick of the peppermint,” Zi Tao claimed.

“Shouldn’t you be in your office right now?” Luhan asked. “It’s Xing’s day off, not yours.”

“I do what I want,” he claimed.

“We noticed,” Wu Fan growled.

Joon Myun patted Yixing’s shoulder and gave him a soothing look.

*******

_Dear Mr. Jong Dae,_

_Fear not, I have Wu Fan on my side. But since you replied to my message, I’m going to assume all ended well._

_What I don’t understand is why you can’t come clean to your mother. I don’t think she’s a bad person, personally, but misled and hurt that you keep so much from her. Mr. Min Seok told us about your past together, and it sounded like Mrs. Kim was merely angry for a long time over things she couldn’t control. People have that tendency. I was angry for a long time, but I dreadfully came to terms with my situation. It takes time, but it can happen._

_Anywho, I think Yixing-shi is pregnant. He was throwing up in the cafe’s bathroom for about fifteen minutes before he came out, drank some water, and then passed out. Mr. Luhan has been in the hospital with him since and hasn’t stopped crying. I don’t think the nurses have the heart to tell him to stop._

_Sincerely,_

_Joon Myun_

_P.S: Tell him it gets better. Or to find a boyfriend instead._

*******

“Min Seok’s staying for the ceremony,” Wu Fan drawled.

Mi Lee drew sad circles into her napkin. “I miss him so.”

He snorted in response. “I hadn’t noticed.”

*******

_Dear Joon Myun,_

_It was chronic gastritis, as you may have already found out. Though I wouldn’t have cared either way. Him getting knocked up by Luhan-shi is hilarious, at best. Too bad it’s anatomically impossible, otherwise I would have made it my mission in life to tease him about it for the rest of eternity. But still- best wishes for Luhan-shi. He cried lots for the jerk, it seemed. Wu Fan sent pictures to Hyung. I’ve been laughing all day._

_Anywho, tomorrow’s the big day! See you in two years, Joon Myun-ah!_

_Sincerely,_

_Jong Dae_

_P.S: He asked for your number. I said no._

*******

“Min Seok’s on his way home,” Mi Lee flustered about.

“Did he get deported?” Wu Fan deadpanned.

“Jail, but Tao jumped in just in time.”

“Had Joon Myun not knocked some sense into my soul, I’d have assumed your husband was stealing my boyfriend.”

“Should I knock some sense into your soul?”

“Would you like to fist fight it out?”

“Would you two shut the fuck up, my boyfriend’s dying in there!” That would be Luhan. Joon Myun, who’d just walked in with pastries with Kyu Hyun, turned the other way and walked right back out of the scene.

Needless to say, Joon Myun realized at that moment that he wasn’t nearly half as crazy as the people he was surrounded by. And that, in its entirety, was oddly comforting.


	4. Chapter 4

As much as Joon Myun wanted to play the virgin prince who awaited his soldier lover, his coffee groupmates, along with Jong Dae’s camp director, had other plans.

And thus, during the first year of Jong Dae’s enlistment, he dated like a motherfucker.

The first man was Wu Fan’s cousin’s best friend’s college mate who’d shifted over to Hong Kong after finishing his own two years of military service. He decided he wanted to spend the rest of his days painting pictures of Hong Kong’s busiest streets and selling them to the highest bidders in Euroasia. Shockingly, one of those bidders ended up being Huang Zi Tao himself, so Wu Fan’s other half was in a bit of a mental breakdown when he found out that Joon Myun was set up to go on a date with one of his favorite artists by forsaking Jong Dae, his personal pick for Joon Myun’s open husband position.

Kim Young Woon was a few years older, three times thicker on the muscle, and smiled just as often Joon Myun. They spent their first date under the watchful eyes of his coffee groupmates, seated inside a small restaurant with soft music in the background. They met for three more weeks before Joon Myun politely declined further invitations of romantic nature, but accepted free tickets to his art exhibits.

The second man was a teacher at Mi Lee’s school that Wu Fan had spoken to a few times and liked as a person. Zi Tao automatically blamed the woman for even thinking of introducing his boyfriend to handsome, foreign teachers that could potentially be friend material later on. Wu Fan flipped them both the finger before inviting the young man to a blind date with Joon Myun at a quaint eatery near his apartment.

Lee Dong Hae liked to laugh a lot, and Joon Myun soon realized that he liked laughing at the smallest things too. Real, hearty laughs about the latest television programs, music hits, sporting mishaps- Joon Myun rarely spent time laughing about mundane things with anyone besides Wu Fan. But now, he decided he’d been missing more than just the dating scene in all the years he’d closed himself off from the world. Through their chats, they eventually realized that they were better friends than they were dating material, and instead arranged days out of the week to spend time together at the next hilarity-ensuing venue. Joon Myun even promised to get him the number of one of their cafe barkeeps.

The third was a Cho Kyu Hyun, which led to an eruption of multiple wars within the cafe arena. Wu Fan insisted friendships would collapse. Zi Tao insisted Kyu Hyun was as sleazy as he looked, though Luhan would add that the man never in his life dressed or acted as sleazy as Tao-Tao claimed he did. The rest kept their mouths shut and put the date into action nonetheless.

The result was as expected by the one Mi Lee. The prince of Cho Industries left a small kiss on Joon Myun’s cheek and insisted they were friends forever before leaving. And Joon Myun, who should have known from the beginning, was thankful for someone as understanding as him to be present in his life. He added a note to his phone to cook Kyu Hyun a nice meal the next time he came over for their movie night.

The final man was Luhan’s good friend from his first days in learning the restaurant business, and he came in towards the end of the first year of Jong Dae’s service. He was thin and tall, with a taste for good wine and a good show at the music hall. Zi Tao didn’t know this fellow, so he had no issue in expressing his immediate distaste for the man before he even entered Luhan’s cafe.

But when Zhou Mi walked in with a small tin of cookies and vibrant smile combating the freezing cold outside, even Wu Fan had trouble keeping the redness in cheeks to a minimum. Zi Tao all but fell on his bum while Mi Lee marveled sculpted lips and eyes as honey brown as the stuff she used to butter her toast with in the morning. Yixing opted to look the other way and play a long game of Tetris on his phone.

“Would you like to see a movie with me?” The older man asked conversationally, his eyes still on the cream-filled cookies on his plate, an hour into their seating.

Kim Joon Myun had decided he’d seen a lot in his life, but hadn’t really done much. But when Jong Dae’s letters stopped, something in his chest was freed. But along with this essence’s new found freedom, Joon Myun realized that he was on a path he wasn’t quite familiar with. He wondered if he’s make it out in one piece.

But then he remembered that he had friends in the form of gentlemen who joined him for coffee every day. He had Wu Fan, who he could chat the Hallyu wave with, with no shame. He had Min Seok, who was a hard worker and a good mentor. He had Kun Luhan, who fed him cocoa and sweets every time he entered his place of establishment. He had a nice lady that occasionally squeezed his cheeks and patted his hair, even though he was older than her. Then he had Kyu Hyun, who never missed a movie night, and refused to leave his side.

And finally, he had Jong Dae. Jong Dae, whom he considered his best friend. Jong Dae, whom he knew deep down would be happy  _for_  him if not with him, and whom he knew was far away in a life Joon Myun could only dream of. So the thought of being asked to a formal date touched heart strings he’d hoped he could hide, and the inkling of being able to move on touched Joon Myun in the deepest trenches of soul.

“I’d like that,” he answered softly, lips touching the brim of his cup of cocoa.

*******

When the raw light filtered through the window, Wu Fan groaned pathetically into the crook of his arm, trying to shield himself for its effects. He wanted to throw something at the person pushing the curtains to the sides and pulling the shades up, but had a feeling they’d do something even worse in response.

But logic was weary in the morning, like it usually was, so instead of following the rather obvious mantra of do not throw fluffy things, Wu Fan grabbed something fluffy and promptly chucked it at the perpetrator. The pillow slid to the ground after hitting the intruder’s bum, and he smirked as the man seemingly retreated from the bedroom, footsteps drowning out against the background.

Only to feel something land harshly on his back.

“Oof!”

He struggled to breathe under the sudden weight of the younger ma- intruder. A smooth, lean chest pressed against his back as an arm snaked around his waist while the other grabbed a hold of his arm.

“Get off me!” He growled, all the sleep in his mind disappearing into thin air as he struggled to catch his breath. “I can’t breathe!”

The figure on top of him chuckled instead and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck before letting go of his arm. Wu Fan cursed and straightened the aching limb, his eyes bludgeoned with morning light all over again.

Now both arms were snaked around his waist.

“Get off me.” He deadpanned. The figure tenderly kissed his naked shoulder, nipping at the skin below. “I mean it.” He threatened.

A hand slid towards the waistband of his sweat pants, fingers gently pressing against the warm flesh. Soft lips latched on to a familiar place on his neck and gently sucked.

“Get off!” He growled one last time before he roughly pushed his head back and wriggled out from underneath the shorter man.

Then, the sudden yelp and thud of someone falling off the bed.

Then silence.

“God damn it, Tao,” he bellowed as he crawled over the bed and peered over the side.

His boyfriend was lying on his back with his mouth slightly open. You’d think he was peacefully asleep had it not been for the slight trickle of blood on the side of his mouth.

And the fact that he looked very much like he was dead.

“Shit.” Wu Fan the potty mouth grumbled. “Tao, get up.” He urged, clambering off the queen-size and pattering over to the fallen man. “Get up,” he nudged, pressing his chest. “Get up before I kick you awake,” he threatened.

He remained silent and… Asleep? Unconscious? Wu Fan brought his finger to the man’s nose and felt a gentle stream of air tickle his skin. Still alive.

But very much dead to the world.

“Tao, get up.” He shook the man by his shoulders. “Look, I’m sorry I pushed you, now will you please get the fuck up?” He whispered furiously.

Tao didn’t budge.

“TAO!” He roared.

Tao slept.

Wu Fan crawled on top of him and scrunched up his collar, proceeding to try and throttle him awake (though the logic behind that was rather weak, but then again, logic was nonexistent in the morning).

Cooled lips pressed against his chapped ones, while his hands froze against the latter’s throat.

“Good morning,” the panda-eyed man chirped from underneath him, his arms wound around Yi Fan’s waist. “Breakfast is ready.” He smiled.

“Fuck. You.” Is all Wu Fan managed to say before he pressed his lips back against the younger man. His hands went from the collar of his cotton tank to being wrapped around his neck.

“If you’d woken up when you were supposed to, we wouldn’t be in this position.” Huang Zi Tao pointed out logically in between kissing and removing his tanktop.

“Shut up,” he growled, slipping off the sweats before helping the younger with his.

“Tut tut, my good sir.” The latter sang, his boxers coming off with thwap.

The shorter man rose from the carpeted floor and pulled Wu Fan up with him. They fell back onto the crumpled mess of sheets as Yi Fan crawled on top of the sinewy man, pressing his thick fingers against the slick, tanned chest beneath.

“Love me?” Zi Tao winked, his lips curling into a Cheshire grin.

Wu Fan responded by crushing their lips together.

*******

“He’s coming home in a few weeks,” Mi Lee recited, sipping her juice amiably.

“Should we really be talking about panic-inducing things in our undies?” Min Seok chastised, clad in his boxers and shoving spoonfuls of vanilla pudding into his mouth.

Mi Lee looked down to her Hello Kitty bra and undies set she’s gotten at bargain price and shrugged. “Just thought to remind you.”

“You want me to die, don’t you?” He whispered scathingly.

She puckered her lips and curled up against his shoulder in response.

*******

“Why do I have the feeling that everyone’s getting laid but me?” Luhan thought out loud. His baristas and scheduled barkeep cleared their throats and continued their business as he sighed dejectedly.

“Does it count that it’s a company holiday?” Kyu Hyun sipped his iced coffee and occasionally winked at whatever handsome fellow walked in alone.

“But Yixing didn’t mention any off days,” he said morosely. “Do you think he’s getting tired of me? Am I on the verge of being dumped?”

“Are you not performing well enough in the bedroom?” Kyu Hyun questioned honestly. “Because Mr. Zhang seems like the person to dump a basic bitch when he has the chance.”

The thought brought a lone tear to Luhan’s eye, and he quickly slipped out before the man could break out into actual sobs.

It was a good thing Yixing walked in a few minutes later with his new, perfectly tailored blazer, otherwise god knew what kind of maniacal depression Luhan would’ve fallen into next.

*******

“You ready, loser?”

“There’s still time left, dickhead.”

“I can finally get laid.”

“With what? The dildo Hee-nim gave you for your birthday?”

“Harsh, man. It wouldn’t be this way if you had just given me your friend’s number.”

“Joon Myun can do better. He  _is_ doing better.”

“Why are we friends again?”

“Because you’re lonely and I’m a nice guy.”

“Lies and deceit, Kim Jong Dae.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

*******

“Jesus fucking Christ, this is the fourth time, damn it! My ass hurts.”

Wu Fan shoved the younger man out of the bed and cocooned himself with the sheets and covers. Zi Tao groaned from the floor.

“I thought you loved me,” the younger of the two whined. “I even made breakfast!”

“It’s probably all cold and soggy by now,” Wu Fan whispered scathingly and borrowed himself deeper beneath the blankets.

“The things I do for you,” the shorter man screeched before stomping out of the room.

“I’m a pseudo-cripple because of you, asshole!” Wu Fan bellowed back.

“You liked it!”

“Not as much as I enjoy punching you!” Wu fan threatened with a lingering smile.

A few minutes later, Wu Fan heard the shuffling of feet and pretended to sleep in his large cavern of warm blankets and dubiously damp sheets. He expected to feel grabby hands grope for his bare skin beneath, but instead felt a single arm loop over the sheets and press his cocooned form closer to someone’s bare chest.

“Wo ai ni.” The words rolled off Zi Tao’s tongue like cherished words of wisdom passed down from generation to generation. It reminded Wu Fan of how he rarely spoke to his family and wondered when was the last time they’d sat down for a proper dinner and talked about their day.

But Zi Tao had a mother and a father, and fourteen cousins from three uncles and five aunts. He had a mansion, a few penthouses, a company, a deed to pass on to whatever child he wished to adopt in the future, property to buy and sell, people to sing Happy Birthdays to, and days to relax and be thankful of everything he had in his life.

Wu Fan had his apartment, his coffee mates, Mi Lee, and Zi Tao. And to hear Zi Tao say that he loved him reminded him that he wasn’t alone anymore.

“I’m hungry,” he whispered back. If he’s said he loved him back, he’d have broken down in sobs. And if he broke down, Zi Tao would follow because he knew the man loved him that much.

“I made your favorites,” he sang, kissing the shell of his ear.

“Can I get dressed without you touching?” He questioned with utmost seriousness.

“Only if you let me stare,” Zi Tao replied honestly.

Wu Fan smirked and went to get up, only to feel a hand close over his own. He attempted to shrug him off. “I thought we agreed to no touching?” Zi Tao remained silent and the smile fell from Wu Fan’s lips. “Tao?”

Zi Tao thumbed his long fingers over Wu Fan’s knuckles, pressing gently against the ridges of his skin before reaching a single finger. Wu Fan turned around to face him, mouth slightly ajar as tears streaked the younger man’s cheeks and fell pliantly onto his shoulders. “Zi Ta-”

Something slipped onto his finger halfway and stopped. Wu Fan looked back onto his hand and found a silver band with three diamond studs softly glowing in the morning light. But Zi Tao’s finger didn’t push it all the way down, the band stopped at the bridge of his knuckle- as if asking for permission.

Wu Fan wasn’t one for words, no matter hard he tried, so as his final gesture of good faith- he helped slipped the ring all the way down to the end of his finer before turning around and succumbing to the sweetest kiss of his life.

*******

“You know the dinner party is for Wu Fan and Mr. Huang, right?” Yixing drawled from his seat.

Luhan had been smiling deliriously at him for the past two hours. He wondered how much longer the man would go.

“Jong Dae will be able to attend the wedding since it’s after he gets back. It’ll be nice, and we’ll probably have to play nice with Mr. Huang’s cousins, but I think it’ll be fine. I hope.” The little green monster died, and pride swelled inside the Changsha native as he moved on to the next level.

Kyu Hyun, who’d returned an hour ago, thought that perhaps Luhan had ingested a magic mushroom or two before seating himself in front of Yixing to stare at him.

“Let’s get married, honey,” Luhan pattered, his voice reaching an octave higher while his eyes glassed over.

“We can’t, idiot.” Yixing growled as his avatar died a morbid death amongst the rocky shore of the sea it had plunged into.

“We can make babies afterwards,” Luhan tried.

“I don’t think that’s anatomically possible,” Kyu Hyun noted.

“It’s not,” Yixing finalized.

Min Seok had the courtesy to call at that moment, so Yixing could ignore the leering looks his boyfriend was currently showering him with.

“Tell me this involves me getting out of here,” he demanded as soon as he clicked the Accept option on the handset.

“Hello to you to, brother,” Min Seok replied blankly. “Mi Lee’s on the phone with Wu Fan right now. There is much weeping involved.”

“At least your significant other doesn’t look high,” he deadpanned, scooting away from Luhan’s terrifyingly persistent smile. He signaled Kyu Hyun to do something about it. Kyu Hyun merely sipped his drink instead.

“I actually need to speak to you about Jong Dae,” Min Seok added.

“There’s no active combat taking place at the moment, so I don’t assume he’s coming back without an arm or a leg,” he replied, slapping away one of Luhan’s grabby hands reaching for his thigh.

“But he seems to have lost his heart,” Min Seok finished.

“… of course he did,” Yixing thought. “Of course he did.”

He clicked his phone shut then and decided to leave his boyfriend in the care of man still sipping his drink as if on vacation.

“It’s my company’s day off. What are you doing here again?”

Kyu Hyun shrugged. “I like you people.”

“You like Joon Myun,” he deadpanned.

“And I like you people too.”

Yixing threw one look at Luhan’s rising form and cleared his throat. “Look after him.”

And then he ran.

*******

“Mary mother of Frankenwhale, really?”

“Yes, Siwon, really.”

“… man, I think you’re an awesome friend.”

Jong Dae sighed and stretched his limbs. “I can’t wait.”

“I miss my family."

"… me too."

*******

“Pink,” Min Seok insisted.

“But they don’t match Hello Kitty!”

“Why are you wearing Hello Kitty anyway!?” He replied incredulously.

“Because it’s comfortable! And cheap.” She whistled discreetly.

“Green, then,” he huffed.

“I like green.” She kissed him on the cheek and went to get dressed.

***

“Is Zhou Mi on his way?”

“Yeah, and so is Dong Hae.”

“Can we call to check if Mi Lee and Min Seok are on their way?”

“Mi Lee’s already with Wu Fan. Min Seok’s coming with Yixing.”

“And Luhan?”

“Luhan’s with me.”

Joon Myun blinked, fixing his tie. “Why is he with you, Kyu?”

“I’ll explain later.”

And the phone went blank.

*******

“He’s gay for Joon Myun, isn’t he?” Yixing deadpanned, toes crinkling in the sand below. 

Min Seok laughed, shaking his head in the process. “If only,” he sighed, taking a long, good look at the waters in front of them. “He wants me to meet Mother.”

Yixing shrugged. “It was supposed to happen, one way or another. I’m surprised she didn’t hunt you down before.”

“Jong Dae never told her I was in the old house with Father. By the time she went around looking, I was already on a plane back here. But she knows. Jong Dae told her. And she’s coming here with him.”

A torn shell found its way underneath Yixing’s foot. He picked it up and brought it closer to his eyes to brush off the bis of and and other shell remnants. “Maybe it’s time to get past that too.”

“I’m not leaving, Yixing,” Min Seok said, eyes never straying from the roaring waves in front. “Even if I have to forsake my legal rights, I’m not leaving. This is my home; it’s the only place I’ve ever truly been accepted. I have no intention in putting faith in something that has less than a ninety percent approval rate.”

“So talking it out with your step-mother now has an approval rate?” Yixing shook his head and wiped off the remaining sand off the shell with the side of his shirt. “But I’m glad you agree this is home.”

“You’re my brother,” he said. “And so is Jong Dae.”

“And Jong Dae still loves his parents. And his parents live in a place you left behind a while ago. Besides the occasional trip, you won’t be able to see him.”

“Shouldn’t you be working on convincing me to stay?” 

Yixing pursed his lips. “I learned my lesson,” he said honestly. 

Min Seok kept silent as the waves continued to roll by. The clock ticked half-past four, setting a reminder off on Yixing’s phone. He stuffed the seashell into his other pocket devoid of devices, and pulled out the clunky phone he’d gotten for work and Luhan’s constant love notes. It flashed ACTUAL DAY OFF BOSS’S ENGAGEMENT AS WELL AS AFTERPARTY IN HOTEL IN RICH SECTION OF UNKNOWN DISTRICT I’VE NEVER STEPPED FOOT IN EVER. 

“Our boss is going to tie the knot in Canada in a few short months, so the question of the day is whether or not you’re willing to attend his engagement party in some fancy shmancy hotel God and Mi Lee only know where.”

“Can I pass?”

“Would you like your letter of termination personally, or by mail?”

“I’ll grab my suit.”

“… you brought your suit with you to the beachside.”

“And yours too.”

"Are we changing behind trees?”

“Yeah.”

”.. well shit.”

Min Seok smiled and Yixing marveled at hour the sea began to calm just minutes after endlessly badgering then with sea-curses only sea gods and water sprites probably knew (because Yixing wasn’t dumb enough to rule out the existence of sentient creatures beyond the reach of man).  

A text flashed on Yixing’s phone with the LUHAN emblazoned in bright letters and picture of the older man in his pajamas, reclining on a couch.

“We should go,” Yixing suggested. 

Min Seok gave the water last glance before turning his way and giving him a bright smile. “Then let’s.”

*******

“Everyone’s here but Yixing and Min Seok,” Wu Fan gasped. 

“They’re probably just stuck in traffic,” Mi Lee soothed, fixing his tie and sixing the stray bits of hair sticking out.

“They were supposed to be here over an hour ago!”

“They’re probably really stuck in traffic,” she tried hopelessly.

“No one cares about my happiness,” he insisted, eyes glazing over. 

She lightly punched him on the arm before smoothing down the abused patch. “Everyone loves you, Fan-Fan, especially Zi Tao. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have spent two hundred grand on the engagement rock.”

His eyes widened. “You helped him pick it out, didn’t you?”

Her eyes fluttered prettily  the light shades of brown and silver makeup edging into the top layer of dark, forest green. “You like it, yes?”

“I love it,” he huffed. “And it’s rock _s_ , excuse you. Three diamonds.”

She giggled and corrected the remainder of the creases until a knock sounded on the door. They both swiftly turned their heads towards the entrance, but before she could move, Wu Fan’s long limbs already moved him to the designates spot. When he swung the door open, a hotel manservant looked fearfully at the tall man and his tiny handmaiden  in the corner.

“Message from Mr. Huang,” the worker squeaked.

“Is he still taking a shit?” Wu Fan asked bluntly. 

“Actually, sir,” the waiter began, “he said to tell you that an emergency came up and that he’d be late to his own party.”

*******

“Dude, I can’t believe this.”

“You’ve seen lights before, haven’t you? How is this any different?”

“My mom never took me to big buildings before!”

“How are you heir to a company and still not used to big buildings?”

“I’m a sheltered child,” the man pouted. 

“Uh huh.”

*******

“Where the hell is Joon Myun?” Kyu Hyun asked forlornly, twirling the straw in his rum. 

“I have a feeling he’s spending quality time with someone of a certain hair color,” Luhan began, “and a certain height, and wonderful fash-“

“I hate you” Kyu Hyun whispered, crinkling his nose in disgust.

Luhan chuckled, but when his phone beeped, the glint in his eyes faded and instead, a warm glow glazed over with the bloom of a with a keen smile. “My honey’s here!”

“Did he bring my Joon Myun with him?” Kyu Hyun pouted.

“Joon Myun-shi’s in the garden,” a passerby said amiably. Kyu Hyun turned to see one of Zi Tao’s infinite cousins.

“How do you know Joon Myun?” Kyu Hyun inquired with a raised eyebrow.

“Is he the one who won’t stop smiling and bowing?” The young woman purred, her eyes a dead giveaway to her relationship with the Huang who happened to be the supposed host of the party.

“Lots of people bow,” Kyu Hyu huffed.

“This isn’t Korea, Kyu,” Luhan stifled his laughter. He have Zi Tao’s cousin a small wink before rising from his seat. “Thank you, Mei.”

She curtsied and sauntered off to the drink table while Luhan wrapped an arm around the younger man’s arm and hauled him up.

“I can get up myself, you know,” he growled, smoothing down the wrinkles on his blazer.

“Fix your hair,” Luhan demanded. The latter hissed and straightened the smooth locks while Luhan dragged him out to the garden.

The garden was less a garden and more an extension of the interior of the hotel ballroom, complete with a dance floor, a strip of tables throbbing with food, and vases filled with flowers that were most likely flown in since the cold weather was still persistent in their side of the land. They spotted pinks, greens, and yellows. Women were in light jackets with men attached at their arm while the gentlemen themselves sported fur trimmed coats over their fashionable blazers. Both Luhan and Kyu Hyun weren’t shamed to admit that their coats were as expensive and beautifully tailored, but without the excess fur they knew couldn’t keep a rat warm.

When they spotted Joon Myun, they spotted the only one that remotely resembled a decent human being.

“Luhan hyung, Kyu Hyun!” The youngest of the three waved the older two over to his small corner o the supposed garden.

“It’s cold out here,” Kyu Hyun pouted, his cheeks red and rosy.

“I like it,” he beamed back.

“You look splendid, darling,” Luhan exclaimed.

“Thank you,” he replied amiably, bowing just in time for Kyu Hyun to cough and cover his blush.

“What the fuck are you people doing out here in the cold!?” They turned to see an Yixing and Minseok shiver as they speed-walked towards them in nothing but matching navy blue suits and nothing more. Yixing was the potty mouth, Kyu Hyun thought darkly as Luhan shoved him lightly.

“The cloth must be old and worn if it can’t keep you warm,” Kyu Hyun sang, winking at Joon Myun’s beaming form.

“We don’t have coats, dickhead, end of story,” Min Seok snapped, rubbing his arms. “Can we go inside,  _please_?”

“But Joon Myun likes the cold!” Luhan whined mockingly while Yixing bared his teeth at him.

“Let’s,” Joon Myun hiccuped, stifling his laughter, “before Wu Fan wonders where his coffee brothers are.”

“Zi Tao should be keeping him busy though,” Yixing thought out loud.

“Unhealthy imagery,” Kyu Hyun snapped, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

They stumbled in with the newcomers snuggled between the warmth Luhan and Joon Myun offered while Kyu Hyun continued to scowl. When they entered the ballroom again, they saw Mi Lee at the top of the stairs, speaking voraciously on her phone.

“Think she found something better than you, Min Seok?” Luhan thought out loud.

“She wouldn’t,” he declared stubbornly, quietly marveling the way the green folds of satin cloth flowed down her side, reminding him of the waves he’d just seen hours before.

“Stop leering at your wife,” Kyu Hyun chastised. “It’s so unbecoming of you.”

“I’m appreciating her beauty,” Min Seok snapped.

“He’s actually formulating compliments that will get him laid the fastest tonight,” Yixing corrected.

“I hate every single one of you,” Min Seok said solemnly. “Except Joon Myun. I like you, Joon Myun. I also like that you know when not to speak.” Joon Myun merely smiled and nodded while the others scoffed and then burst out into streams of hearty laughter.

“I see Dong Hae!” Luhan gushed, but then the smile instantly fell. “Wait. Is that my Thursday barkeep?” He scratched his head while Joon Myun waved over the young man and his date.

“See, even Dong Hae’s dressed like a regular human being,” Yixing noted. “While the rest of you look like chipmunks, with the exception of Joon Myun of course.”

“You should have picked out his clothes,” Min Seok mock-whispered, at which Luhan threw him a dirty look.

“And there’s Zhou Mi,” Kyu Hyun drawled. “Yippee.”

“And he looks good too,” Yixing added. “So fashionable.”

“And hot,” added Joon Myun. They looked at him as if he’d grown another head. “What? I can’t appreciate a well-dressed fellow when I see one?” He pouted morosely.

“Of course you can,” Yixing snapped.

“Because you’re Joon Myun,” Luhan soothed.

“You perfect man,” Kyu Hyun gushed. No one would admit later that Joon Myun looked satisfied with himself after the blatant string of reactions, though Min Seok was inwardly proud.

“And there’s the man of the hour himself,” Luhan sighed. Zhou Mi and the others joined to see Wu Fan at the top of the stairs in a maroon suit with a black shirt and a striped black and gray tie. There was a collective assumption that there would be mirth and anxiousness bouncing off Wu Fan’s dark brown orbs, but instead, the man seemed to seethe.

Actually,  _really_  seethe.

“… is Fan-Fan OK, Luhan?” Kyu Hyun asked hesitantly.

“He looks like he wants to rip off someone’s head,” Yixing observed. “There goes the party.”

“He’s just anxious,” Joon Myun flushed. “I’ll go speak to him.”

He moved only a step before Zhou Mi’s hand enclosed over his wrist and pulled him to his side. “Maybe after he’s calm,” he suggested, pointing at Mi Lee’s frantic form.

“Last I heard, Tao was in the bathroom,” Kyu Hyun scratched his head. “Is he _still_  there?”

“They probably had sex all day. The only one with bum issues should be Wu Fan, not Zi Tao,” Luhan deadpanned.

“Whatever the case, it doesn’t seem to be going well,” Joon Myun frowned.

“It’ll be fine,” Zhou Mi assured. The others nodded along with him before turning their heads towards the door at the top of the stairs.

Suddenly, a wild Zi Tao appeared flush in black and white, looking as prim and proper as he always did but without the lidless glasses he usually had perched on he nose. They saw Mi Lee whirl around, give a tiny screech, and slide over in her heels to bear hug the taller man while Wu Fan hyperventilated on the side, clutching his chest dramatically.

“All’s well that ends well,” Luhan cooed, while the others breathed sighs of reliefs and got ready for the party to officially begin.

“No more than 1.5 glasses, Yixing,” Min Seok and Luhan warned in unison, much to Yixing’s chagrin.

“Wait, there’s somebody else.” Kyu Hyun peered over the ledge and caught the eye of a tall man clad in a black suit. He then spied a string of others filter out until there were people he swore he never saw before.

Except one.

“Min Seok! Joon Myun!”

They turned their heads away from their respective conversations and looked up. Jong Dae smiled back.

*******

“You almost killed him.”

“It was only for an hour.”

“He thought you ditched him.”

“After spending two hundred grand on three rocks? Maybe next time.”

She shook her head judgmentally. “Why’d you have to go bring everyone? Just Jong Dae would have been fine.”

Tao huffed. “He has a mommy and daddy too. And a bunkmate from his camp. Say, isn’t Mr. Choi rather da-”

“-and couldn’t you have done it tomorrow? Next week?”

“I wanted them to attend the festivities,” he gasped, absolutely scandalized by the attack.

“But there was no warning,” Mi Lee flushed. “Min Seok had a mini heart attack.”

“He has mini heart attacks over briefs his associates can do with their eyes closed,” he rolled his eyes. “But look!” He exclaimed, pointing at the table filled with Jong Dae, his parents, his bunkmate, and Min Seok. “Look how happy they look!”

“Min Seok looks like a dying fish,” she deadpanned, arms crossed on her chest.

“He’ll get over it,” he assured. “And there’s Wu Fan, ready to kill me,” he beamed. The blonde haired man shook hands and respectfully accepted the gifts and handed them to the hotel workers who flocked behind him. He threw one deadly glare at Zi Tao, and returned to his self-assigned job.

“Thank you,” she said after ten minutes of silent sipping on cranberry rum.

“Don’t thank me yet,” he smiled and then slyly led her gaze to the man whose eyes hadn’t left Jong Dae since the second he appeared from behind the door.

Joon Myun stood near the entrance into the garden, hands folded neatly in front of him, the slightest hint of a sorrowful smile present on his lips.

*******

Joon Myun looked at his feet.

He kept his head low and his face obscured from the throng of guests who idly chatted around the dance floor that housed only a few couples. He relieved himself from the others as soon as he pushed them towards their significant others, and slipped away before Kyu Hyun or Zhou Mi could hold him back. He found that he missed his solidity, his self-created island that was home for so long. He liked that he was able to go back after such a long leave of absence, since secretly he feared he’d left all his teachings behind after meeting the man with the simple colors and the vibrant grin that seemed to thaw even the coldest hearts.

Something rumbled deep inside his chest, and he finally realized why he was staring particularly at his feet.

“Do you still have my sneakers?”

Joon Myun thinks the question is absurd without looking up. What did sneakers have to do with plain, black dress shoes he’d picked up the week before? What did sneakers have to do with his boss’s engagement party, or the sheets of numbers he had to crunch through when he went back to work tomorrow? What did shoes have to do with the new friends he’d found over the past two years, or the amount of grueling hours he went through to be promoted to head accountant, finally allowing Wu Fan to share the pain in attending corporate meetings in scratchy suits and stiff ties? What did sneakers have to do anything at all?

Everything, Joon Myun sighed inwardly. Absolutely everything.

“Yes,” he whispered, eyes fixed on the shine glinting off the clean dress shoes.

“I’m glad.”

Joon Myun rose his head to meet Jong Dae’s eyes, still as dark and brimming with the same warmth he’d fallen for so long ago.

“Sorry for the impromptu drop by,” he laughed, taking a seat next to the clay ledge where only the servers surreptitiously sat down on in between servings. “I was finished with service earlier, and Tao insisted we come to the party. I couldn’t refuse. Less money out of my pocket,” he joked, shivering in the cold air. “How have you been?”

Joon Myun blinked. He wondered if the it was a rhetorical question, in all honestly. On one hand, he thought to say ‘fine,’ since it was mostly true, but on the other hand, he had ‘horrible,’ ‘sad,’ and ‘stressed’ wrapped in a container and ready to be thrown overboard. He blinked for just a few more seconds, refusing to take his eyes off the younger man.

“Fine,” he smiled. Even if it wasn’t true for the entire experience, it was was true at the moment. He was fine. He was more than fine.

“Hyung told me about your promotion,” the younger breathed, turning his eyes towards the crowd that began to thin out because of the cold. “And how you’ve been attending meetings and seducing every female administrative assistant to walk through the door,” he teased.

Joon Myun found himself blushing not because of the words themselves, but the way were said- the way Jong Dae’s voice reached just a note higher, as if he was singing the compliments to him instead of just throwing them at him. He noted inwardly that had the voice been around to guide him the past two years, he probably could have gotten even further with his career- with his life.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he blushed promptly, his eyes refusing to waver from the younger man’s grinning form.

“So you haven’t taken some pretty ladies out on dates as well while I was away?” He accused half-heartedly.

“Of course not,” Joon Myun frowned. “But the gentlemen I dated are my friends now.”

Jong Dae faced him once again and gave him a bright smile. “How’s Zhou Mi?”

He shrugged softly. “Good. He visits every few months, and he’s a good friend. We ended things amiably, so we’re comfortable being around each other.” Deep down, he knew it was all true, but he wanted to see Jong Dae’s response to his statements. He wanted to be selfish.

“If you’re happy, then I’m happy,” the latter admitted, averting his eyes right at the moment Joon Myun’s smile fell. Jong Dae stared at his feet while something began to thump faster within Joon Myun’s heart. “I’m happy as long as everyone else around me is happy. Siwon’s happy too, even if he’s a bit daft sometimes, but he’s my hyung and he’s helped me a lot thus far. I wanted him to meet my friends, to meet you, to meet my big brother.”

Joon Myun felt something small and clear drop to the fresh cut grass below.

“I missed everyone so much,” the latter continued, “but I missed hyung and you the most. I don’t think I anticipated Dad’s calls as much as I did your letters and hyung’s random phone calls,” he laughed out loud, making sure to keep his head down and the tears away from Joon Myun’s line of sight. Things clenched in Joon Myun’s chest.

“When my position was declared and I was barred from outside contact, I thought I’d lost a part of me,” he admitted. “A year of solitude in barren mountains with people who were meant to be my war brothers, my friends, the ones I’d die for and die with if the curtain ever fell and the war from seventy years ago resumed in full-fledge. And all I could think of was when I’d finally get back to the people I loved the most. I th-”

“I missed you,” Joon Myun blurted out before Jong Dae could continue. Jong Dae raised his head, eyes slightly red and wet. His smile was as still lingering and he quickly wiped his face before breaking out into a small bout of laughter.

“I missed you too,” he replied with utmost sincerity. Joon Myun knew because his eyes were sincere, and Joon Myun read people like scholars read their books- with utmost calculation and devotion.

“Do you remember me talking about the beaches in Pusan?” Jong Dae asked after a few minutes of silence.

“You promised to take me to them if I ever returned,” Joon Myun added.

“Have you thought of returning?” He asked curiously.

Joon Myun pondered on the question. “No,” he replied honestly.

“Would you… if I asked?”

Joon Myun knew the exact location of the cemetery his parents grave mounds were located, and the exact way to get there from the entrance of his old home. He remembered the hospital he spent endless years in and the documents the doctors gave him when they declared unfit for military service in this lifetime and in the next and the way they’d thrown him to Kyu Hyun’s parents the second they showed interest in taking him under their wing. He remembered their killers names. He remembered pain, blood, and regret. He remembered learning his lesson.

“Would you hate me if I said no?” Joon Myun asked honestly.

“No,” Jong Dae replied solemnly. “I’d respect your decision.”

“Why?” Joon Myun asked softly. He recalled days in his life when no one, not even his reflection, had respect for the hair on his head much less his decisions.

“Because you matter to me,” Jong Dae said. “You’ll always matter to me.”

“And what if I told you that I still loved you?” Joon Myun asked solemnly. “What if I told you that a year without you was enough to bring me back to square one?”

Jong Dae snapped his head towards Joon Myun who finally looked away. His eyes lingered on the grass below, the dark shade of green tearing him away from the self-made misery that lived in his heart from the moment he jumped at his attacker. The green reminds him of Mi Lee’s dress, the color of some of the more exotic drinks at the bar, and maybe even the crayons he spied in Mi Lee’s kids’ hands when he occasionally joined Wu Fan in his visits. His mind wanders, but his heart refuses to waver, creating a rift he wished didn’t exist. But then again, there were so many things he wished didn’t exist, and his new found shamelessness was one of them.

“And what if I told you that I’m not a sleazebag, and that I’d respect your choice to love me differently than the way I love you.”

Joon Myun’s mind went blank. “What?”

Jong Dae’s smile fell, instantly replaced with a look of utter horror. “I-I’m sorry. That was rude, and sudden. Oh my god, I-”

“-I love you too,” Joon Myun blurted out, unable to keep his mouth in check. “I love you. I haven’t stopped loving you.” Jong Dae’s face tightened, and Joon Myun took a leap of faith and clasped one of his hands and brought it to his lap. “And I respect whichever way you love me,” he said as soberly as he could without giving himself away.

Joon Myun expected him to take his hand back and turn away the last time he’d acted on impulse. If he recalled correctly, the man had walked out and almost left the country without saying goodbye to him. He wondered if this was really the end, and if his life was always meant to be a series of half-tries and no-tries and a series of epic failures.

But Kim Jong Dae kept his hand just where Joon Myun wanted it to be, and Kim Joon Myun felt that he’d stop breathing any second now.

“Can you help me love you that way?” Jong Dae asked the way a child would ask their first crush- their first love.

Joon Myun had heard about these kinds of experiments. He’d heard about then from Luhan, who insisted they exist in university environments if one wanted to fool around. He’d heard about them from Wu Fan, who insisted you were what you were from the very beginning. He’d heard about them from Yixing, who blinked and told Joon Myun that if it really was that simple, then it didn’t make sense that so many people went to great lengths to avoid it and banish it completely. He recalled how Yixing told him that the complexity of the issue was what people feared, and that, that was why it was such a taboo, and that he, Joon Myun, didn’t need to fall into their pit of labels to explain what the heart and the body wanted and taint his nature as an honest and thoughtful man. And sometimes, Yixing admitted, the heart and body didn’t want the same thing, but more often than not in such cases, the heart won over the body.

But then again, sometimes the body prevailed, and the heart was left a shriveled mess. Yixing told him that he’d read enough to understand that sometimes the outcomes of the war between the heart and body were what made people fear the concept of loving the opposite of what they wanted- of craving something they thought they’d never need, of loving someone they possibly couldn’t because the so called parts didn’t fit.

Joon Myun wondered if he was ready for that kind of complexity. He was already knew he was half a box full of crazy, but he was OK with it. But was he ready for a life where his crazies would have to be shoved aside to help a confused man who obviously wanted to fell what he felt for him? Was it even possible? Was it as Wu Fan claimed, that it is what is is from the start? Or was it a cumulative thing, like Luhan suggested? Or did that not matter at all, like Yixing had told him one cold afternoon after Jong Dae’s departure. That loving was OK, because love like energy, moving from being to being, and never dissipating even when the individual thought it did. Sure Jong Dae didn’t love him now, but maybe he’d love him tomorrow. Next week. Next year. The next lifetime.

He knew that Kim Jong Dae was straight from the start, and he was OK with that. He really was. Even when he was trying, he was OK with it. Because if he could be happy with his choices, then Jong Dae could be happy with his. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t be happy together. He wanted Jong Dae to be happy with him. Was he ready for that commitment?

“Are you two holding hands?”

The sudden intrusion wasn’t something Joon Myun was expecting, but Wu Fan was always the one that managed to surprise everyone in the end. He was half shocked, half relieved, but hesitant regardless. Joon Myun went to move his hands away, but realized that Jong Dae had been gripping them just as tightly as he was. When he caught Joon Myun’s worried expression, he reluctantly pulled away.

“Uh… we’re dancing,” Wu Fan stuttered. “Min Seok and Mi Lee, I mean, you can defi-”

“We’ll be right there,” Joon Myun smiled. He actually smiled.

That seemed to wake Wu Fan up. Something lit up in his eyes, signaling understanding. “Hurry the hell up then,” he grinned, before retreating.

“Maybe we should get inside,” Jong Dae blushed while getting up.

“Will you dance with me?” Joon Myun asked. “As friends?”

Jong Dae nodded. “Of course. Siwon taught me a few moves.” He laughed lightly. “I’d like to perform a little, if Zi Tao doesn’t mind.”

“Then tomorrow we can begin.” Joon Myun beamed.

Jong Dae narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Begin what?”

“Can I have your number?”

*******

Kim Joon Myun had learned to take things with a cautious gaze and a lingering smile ever since the night his father clasped a hand over his mouth and told him to stay in the cupboard until he was told to come out.

But after Kim Jong Dae took a seat in Kun Luhan’s cafe and ordered a plain drink along with an automatic robbery of his fragile heart, Kim Joon Myun decided that the cautiousness could be put to better use. Like with numbers. And spreadsheets. And corporate meetings that involved uncomfortable clothing.

He had learned to take things as they came and make the best of them no matter how detrimental they were to his well-being. As long as his smile remained and the walls guarding his fragility prospered, he was in his safezone.

Except his safezone wasn’t his self-made island of walls anymore. It was his bed, underneath the covers, fully clothed at thirty-two years with Jong Dae snoring next to him, Joon Myun’s bear clutched to his chest.

He wasn’t crazy, by any means, just half crazy… or so he thought. Would any sane man devote the rest of his life to teaching love that could only be learned through experience and hardship? Would any sane man risk the kind of heartbreak that could kill? Would any sane man hope for something rarer than a blue moon? Joon Myun thought not, carefully removing the bear from Jong Dae’s clutch and methodically placing himself into its position instead. Muscled, tanned arms wrapped around his waist, as if protecting him from demons that could only come in sleep, and Joon Myun felt that maybe what he wanted wasn’t so impossible after all. Maybe his circumstances would be the exception. Maybe his past would whither away with those demons, and he’d finally be able to step foot on the land he hadn’t seen in more than a decade. Perhaps, Jong Dae would even join him, because then, he’d love him- love him the way Joon Myun loved him.

But despite those tidbits, Joon Myun decided, rather sleepily, that his quest to claim Jong Dae’s heart would persist. Maybe his wishes would come to fruition too. A house, maybe a penthouse, a room dedicated to his collection of movies and dramas, weekly dinners with Kyu Hyun, lunch with Dong Hae, coffee with his brothers, a week off to hike in some mountain up north. And night spent in arms that were as strong as they were gentle, like the breeze on a midsummer morning. Because, hey, Kim Joon Myun was crazy.

Jong Dae mewled in his sleep, burying his head in the crook of Joon Myun’s neck, causing a smile to flutter on his lips before he drifted off to sleep.

And crazy people tended to do crazy things.


End file.
